My BDSM name is DominantSoul. I am Sensual Dominant, Alpha-male and an accidental BDSM writer who has practiced Sensual Domination, an erotic genre of BDSM, since the age of 20 years old. My blog is dedicated to educating and informing people about all aspects of Sensual Domination.

I started this blog in 2008 initially as simple self-therapy after my divorce to collect and organize my own thoughts about my unique sexuality with no expectations that anyone else would be interested in my thoughts or writings.

I discovered a social media website for the Fetish/BDSM community called FetLife. In a very short 6 month of writing on FetLife, I had attracted 3,000 devoted readers and many loyal friends. Suddenly I realized there were a huge number of people within the BDSM/Fetish community looking for a more sensual alternative to the predominant BDSM genre of Sadism – “Pain is pleasure”. For many newbie subs and Doms to BDSM community, Sadism is quite scary and unappealing. These people are searching for a more sensual and erotic form of BDSM. It was on FetLife I discovered that the kind of BDSM that I had been practicing for 33 years was called “Sensual Domination”.

The success of my writings on FetLife led me to WordPress. Many of my readers on FetLife wanted to be able to share my writings with their partners or vanilla friends outside FetLife or with potential sexual partners but they did not want to disclose their secret kinky life publicly at the same time. So now my writings are acessible to anyone on the Internet with a Search Engine who craves to learn about sex with a spice of kink and sensuality – For men who crave to take control of their partners and for women who crave to relinquish control to their partners.

With the immense popularity of the fictional erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey“, I thought it was time to give the kinky-curious people a reality-based understanding of the actual psychology, sexuality and the relationship dynamics within a real Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. “Fifty Shades of Grey” was a pure work of fiction without any real foundation or understanding of BDSM relationships based on the “Twilight” romantic trilogy marketeted to sexually repressed suburban women.

For the record, I have no tattoos or any body piercings and I never wear leather except as a winter jacket. I am an intelligent, highly educated, professional business executive with a MBA. I am happily divorced with two university-age kids and I coach soccer in the suburbs in Canada (Yes in polite, friendly Canada!). So, I may not be exactly what you may think of when you think about a person involved in BDSM, fetishes or kinky sex.

I am not a M.D., psychologist, anthropologist or clinical researcher. All my writings are from my own personal experiences and observations from my romantic relationships. All my articles are written from the perspective of a heterosexual Dominant Male which is not intended to infer that all women are always submissive or that all men are always dominant or that all people are heterosexual; it is merely my natural bias and personal perspective. I cannot write about other perspectives (i.e hetero female submissive or hetero male submissive or gay female Domme) since I have never experienced these perspectives.

My blog is dedicated to educating and informing people about Sensual Domination. I hope you find my writings thought-provoking, insightful and informative. Please feel free to post questions. There are no dumb questions in this journey of sexual discovery.

If you have private questions for me, look on the “Contact” page for my direct contact information.



79 comments on “About

  1. Love your writings alway you have always inspired me and your writings have help me understand myself better!!! Miss char55 from down under


  2. I think you have a good thing going here. I would love at times an advanced perspective on bdsm and sensual domination as well, not that what I would love makes a bit of difference ~smile~ but thought I would put it out there.


  3. I would love to know your perspective on why there seems to be such a large gap in play between the sensual and the edge and fear/violent based play. Why a melding seems almost impossible to most.

    I would love to know what you actually feel as a sensual dominant soul, what it does to you and why you are drawn to the sensual rather then other aspects of bdsm. Is there a headspace you enter and does it always turn you on physically or can it be or is it mostly just who you are and a turn on is once in awhile.

    Do you find that training is more subtle in sensual exchange as it seems that we women are naturually sensual beings. Do you find we take to it a bit like a duck to water rather then a struggle to understand and learn.

    Do you find more psychological masochists within this type of bdsm then physical masochists?

    I personally find it irritating that others tend to label sensual bdsm as “soft” the intensity can be extensive and an edge most definitely brought about. Do you find that your partner needs more and more intensity within sensual practice when it is a long term relationship or that you as the dominant need more?

    I could go on and on… just a few questions that are less explicit then others I have.

    Thank you for your time…


    • @Minx -Excellent questions… There are many questions here. Let me try to address each in order.

      The two ends of the BDSM spectrum are Sensual Domination and Sadism:
      – Sadism is about tearing down a sub, enduring pain/humiliation and behaviour modification
      – Sensual Domination is about building up a sub’s confidence and unleashing the hidden sexuality of a sub using flirty, dirty talk, eye contact, various foreplay methods and multiple orgasms. Sensual Domination is primarily about about first arousing the mind then taking the body to wild new heightened sexual states. Imagine 20 orgasms in an evening…

      Can sadism and sensual domination coexist? Yes… For example, I always make a sub ask permission to cum as I stimulate her pussy intensely. I will deny her permission until I sense her desperation in her voice as she is about to lose control. At that very moment, I will often spank her has ass as hard as I can to evoke an intense pain response in her brain which will break her concentration and prevent her from cumming while keep her teetering on the edge of orgasm. I would use this method repeatedly during the session to keep a submissive highly aroused state for hours without an orgasm – This technique is called Orgasm Denial.

      Does SD always lead to physical? No… I will often arouse my submissive at work with sexual text. I will make her intensely aroused while at work and I will deny her the option to masturbate in the ladies washroom. Keeping her in a perpetual state of arousal while maintaining a proper work persona is part of her challenge.

      There is a “headspace” that many submissives enter in sensual domination that I call “sub-mode” – a highly sexually aroused state, highly submissive mindset where a woman is willing to perform any act to please her Dom. It is usually triggered by one of several possible triggers such as:
      * A masculine hand placed on her throat
      * Her hair pulled back
      * Her ass being slapped/spanked/paddles
      * Forced to her knees to perform oral sex
      * Being thrown onto the bed or held against a wall
      * Being called “My naughty girl”, “my sex kitten”, etc

      Every submissive is unique so only specific triggers work on any given submissive.

      Masochist subs are not my specialty so you really should as a masochist this question but here is a quick overview. Submissive who are masochists come in many shapes and there is no one type. There are emotional masochists who want to feel emotionally empty and used at the end of a session and physical masochists (pain puppies) who want to endure the pain as a badge of honour and many other types. There are many other variations but this is not my area of expertise.

      I am always amused that Sadists refer to Sensual Domination as “soft” domination. I was told for twenty years by other Doms that, “I was doing domination wrong because I was not beating the hell out of a woman”… The reality is Sensual Domination takes a different more subtle skill set. It is not about physical domination of the body, it is about the seduction and arousal of the mind. To train a submissive to cum by simply saying a word (cum-on-command) is a very different ability than whipping someone…

      As a Sensual Dom do I or my subs crave more? Hmmm… Let me see… Over a 3 hour session, I may make my sub enduring 10 hard spankings after every orgasm to alternate her ability to handle pleasure and pain for 4-8 orgasms, then I may force her to have another 5-10 squirting orgasms without a break then slap and twist her nipples while hold a wand vibe to her clit and anal vibe in her ass. My objective is to complete overwhelm her mind and body with sexual stimulation and multiple orgasms until she collapses. Then I will bend her over and fuck her as hard as I can to push her over the edge and blow her mind. I want her lying on the bed covered in sweat + cum and quivering/spasming uncontrollably. I will then bring a bowl of warm scent water and gently clean her exhausted body with a damp warm cloth. I will then massage her her tired body with scented oil then her kiss her hold her till morning. A Sensual Dom truly loves and cherishes his sub so he wants to express a deep emotional bond with her after an intense session. I have never had a submissive tell me she “needed more”… LOL


      Liked by 2 people

      • I appreciate that you share your perspectives. It has helped me understand immensely the two sides of the coin that I had been greatly conflicted by. I have experienced both spectrums, the sensual versus the sadistic, the sadistic being more confused than I was, which led me on a journey to discover what my mind repulsed and my body craved. You obviously understand the deeper aspects of seduction and domination. Control the mind and the body will do all that is asked, control the body and the mind will wonder. Thank you!


  4. I’m so delighted I found your blog. I enjoy all your writings. Your blog has become my daily ritual with coffee in hand. I’m a Dominate Alpha Female. I can’t imagine myself being in any submissive position. This includes my daily life. I enjoy and watch BDSM on a frequent basis.


    • @astratravler – Welcome to my blog… I am glad you are enjoying my writings. I actually started this blog on FetLife 2 years ago. I had 2400 readers in just 4 months. Recently, I decided to move my blog outside of the “Kink community” to a generic blog site so anyone in the world with a kinky inklings could enjoy my writings and ask questions or share my writings with a partner or friend without having to be part of a community.


  5. Hello DS,
    This is catonaleash from FL. I love your new blog and look forward to following you here. I also absolutely LOVE the photos you display here. If I say pretty please would you be willing to share one or two or more with me? I promise not to pout if you say no but they sure are stimulating.
    Thank you and congrats,

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello. i just wanted to stop by and thank You for visiting my blog. That was an hour ago! Your writing is wonderful and truly educational as well. Thank you for sharing Your knowledge, and educating those who want to be educated. Thank you. Honored You took time to read a post of mine.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi,, I can’t seem to find a contact button, so thought I’d write here instead…… love your writings, first saw them on fet life, now followed you here – but – where is the article on orgasms? More specifically, women who find it difficult to orgasm? thanks


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  10. Hi there, I’m new curious readere (and blogger).
    I think you’re blog is refreshing, because It took me a long time to find a blog written by a male dominant. Female dominants, you find enough.
    But the writings of a male dominant aren’t that numerous, I’ve had the impression.
    Your blog seems interesting and informative enough to read through. 😉


  11. Hi, I don’t know it you’ve written on the subject already, but what do you think of the representation of BDSM in mainstream porn (as in xnxx, pornhub etc…)? I would like to hear your opinions about it. 😉


  12. Dear DominantSoul,
    I’m still following your blog and still find it very amusing and informative. I gave you a link on my own blog ;). Because Your writings are really Worth Reading 😉


  13. Dear DominantSoul,
    I cannot stay away from your blog. I’ve read everything and still I want more. I wish I found it sooner. I wish all men thought like you…


  14. Dear DominantSoul,
    first of all: thank you for this blog, your stories, your advice. It’s great to read and my dom and me are inspirired by the few things you describe which we didn’t try yet ourselves.
    One specific question, as I think you might be able to help: My dom and me are highly aroused by sending each others videos (not movies, we’re talking like 2-10min clips) we found on the internet. As we are not turned on by most of the typical porn (obviously there is no “typical” porn, but I mean all amateur videos and BDSM videos, which only take place in torture chambers and so on – one of your own comments above describes my thoughts very well: “I think the representation of BDSM as being extremely kinky, abnormal and marginal behaviour. It is wildly misleading…” – basically most of the stuff you would find by just typing “BDSM stream” into google)
    But we are searching for more, let’s say ‘artistic’ videos. Something sensual, passionate, something beautiful – if you can see the actual act or not is irrelevant. It’s only about seeing some passionate scenes that remind you of the beauty of your own last session or similar. You mentioned the concept behind this several times yourself: arousing the mind is the first and most important thing. As a psychologist I totally agree and I like to call the brain our most important sex organ 😉 so basically I’m searching for more videos in this sort of style:

    In case you know any kind of videos a little similiar to the style of the GQ one, I would love to know about them! Thank you (and sorry about my English by the way – but why am I even apologizing; that a foreigner is reading your blog as well only means that your stories are being loved internationally!)


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  17. Your wife is one lucky woman. And I can’t even begin to tell you how relieved that I’m actually proud to be an Alpha Female. I finally found what I’ve always truly wanted. Thank you.


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  19. I only recently fell into the lifestyle, though my entire life has been one of subjugation by others, privately as well as in public, something I accepted as having no control over. I found your blog through searches to improve my own empowerment as a good man who I was learning from suggested I do some research on the things I was finding I have a great deal of interest in.
    I want to simply say thank you, what I’ve read thus far, makes me long with a burning desire and cry in response to that which I no longer have. I will continue reading and learning, educating myself in this lifestyle and what I want from one whom I would love to give myself over to wholly.


  20. Good evening DominantSoul,
    Thank you for being present with this blog in the world of so many people that are seeking for informations and answers about BDSM, and/or their own way to experiment Ds relationship.
    I really liked your way of thinking about all that. I’m a french woman (perhaps not the first ^^’) so you can define yourself as an international accidental bdsm blogger 😉
    I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while, did it today. Mostly about sensualness.
    I would like to know if I can translate some of your articles (for french people, and refering to you and your website).
    I think I would like to write about BDSM later and your articles could really help and give more ease to many french men and women…
    Thank you again for being out there and i wish you a sweet day/night,
    Miss S.


  21. Sounds perfect to me. 🙂 Do you want me to let you know when I translate one of your article as well? (I’m just getting started so it will come in the future)


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  23. Hiya, related articles link appears to be dead FYI. (Found it else where though x) thanks for the awesome content.


  24. I’m so glad I found your website. I’m 42, and have just recently discovered that I think I now enjoy softdom. I have never been fond of it in my teens, 20’s or 30’s. I don’t know what has changed or triggered me to suddenly start liking it. Maybe it’s the whole “when a woman hits her 40’s”thing…….I honestly don’t know. But what I do know, is that I don’t think I would like nor enjoy the more hardcore violent side of BDSM. Yet. Who knows, maybe one day. But for now, this is all a whole new world to me. I want to learn and understand what it is and what it is not. I want to have an understanding of being a (new) female sub and what it involves and means. I want to know what’s going through the mind of a male dom when in his moment. There’s so much I want to understand. So I didn’t want to learn this from pornhub or other general porn sites as its mostly staged and beautifully perfect gorgeous people. I’m happy to be here and to be able to learn from your knowledge, experiences, and writings. So thank you for deciding to share this with all of this.

    However, with all of this being said………..I don’t even know where to start. Care to point me in the right directtion please? Please feel free to share any opinions and recommendations as well. They would be much appreciated. Thank you, sir.


    • Start by meeting real people, not online. Online is a shark tank of women haters and poser Dominants who think “submissive” means “DTF for tough sex…

      Attend some local BDSM meet & greets events. Ask these people your questions and see who you connect with. Go slow, listen to you gut instincts about people.

      You can find these events on FetLife.com.

      Liked by 1 person

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