Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive

The most important role a Sensual Dominant plays is to ensure the mental and physical safety of a submissive, especially of a novice submissive who has no clue what will happen during her first sessions.  The second key role a Sensual Dom plays is to understand the key physical, sexual and psychological triggers that will unleash her sexually. The following 5 questions establishes the boundaries of the safe play and also uncover some key sexual and psychological triggers for helping a submissive reach the next level of sexual response.

1) What are your BDSM hard limits? (Scat, urine, golden showers, needles/knives/fire, medical play, verbal or physical humiliation, caging, severe pain, children/animals, etc.). This establishes the current comfort limits of play for a sub. These limits will soften and change  with time, trust/familiarity with a Dom and with BDSM experience for every sub. Crossing these limits without prior discussion with a sub is a serious break from protocol for safe consensual play, a serious betrayal of a submissive’s trust and it may trigger a panic attack within the submissive.

2) What BDSM acts do you deeply want to try and why?  (i.e. sensual touching, bondage, blindfold, spanking, hair pulling, paddling/flogging, forced orgasms, forced squirting, orgasm denial, anal, rough sex, fisting, hot wax, etc). The specific acts are not important. What is important to understand the why someone craves these specific experiences and how those experiences make a sub feel.

3) What bondage/submission fantasies/roleplay do you desire? (boss & secretary, naughty schoolgirl & teacher, policeman & hooker, home invasion/rape, multiple men/gangbang, naked and blindfolded in a group of men, etc. ). The specific fantasies a sub desires tells us a great deal about the underlying scenarios and themes that arousal a sub (attraction to authority figures with power, a good girl forced to do bad acts, a loss of control, sensory deprivation, being sexually forced, sex with strangers, sex with many men, sex in foreign environments or public, etc). These themes can be easily integrated into domination scenes a Dom designs for a specific sub.
4)  What sexual/foreplay acts arouses you MOST intensely? (Kissing your neck, massages, soft sensual kissing, giving oral sex, forced deepthroat, hair pulling, hand on your throat, etc.). This should uncover specific “Sexual Hot Buttons” for a submissive that highly arouse her. Giving oral sex or being forced to perform deepthroat tend to be very common sexual turn-ons for submissives. These are hot buttons a Dom wants to use to push a submissive to the next level of arousal during a session or to start a session to put her into a slutty submissive mindset.
5) What key words that trigger your arousal or submissive response? Word phrases such as  “You are my slut”, “Who’s my whore?”, “Who owns this ass?”, and “Suck my cock whore” all have power sexual messages of ownership and control when said in the proper context and are spoken by the appropriate man to a submissive. These are powerful “Psychological Hot Buttons” and  sexual arousal triggers that can place a woman instantly into a slutty submissive mindset. Knowing which phrases specifically arouse a submissive psychologically is key to push a sub to the next level of arousal during a session. Refer to link to an article on this topic for further details and examples: “Noun Sex: Hot Button Words The Trigger The Submissive Libido”
 
I hope both Doms and submissives find this article useful and insightful. Play safe.
~DominantSoul

17 comments on “Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive

  1. Pingback: Unleashing a submissive… | DominantSoul

  2. You will have noticed that I am absorbing most of the information on your whole site by now. I am so very happy that there are guides like yourself in the world who take time out of their day to help others on the road to discovery.

    It is a gift of its very own to the lost and/or confused. Thank you.

  3. As a new sub, I find your writings incredibly helpful for finding the right Dom. So many men call themselves a Dom, yet have no idea what it truly means… sad! I feel bad when I, as a new sub, can tell them more about being a Dom than they already know, and say they have “years of experience”… I will patiently wait for my Dom. Do you have any friends? 😛

  4. I happy my dom knew similar questions to ask me… the boy is half sadistic and pains a HUGE problem with me sure my screams will give HIM pleasure but I faint at the sight of blood soooooo…. Caged, tied up, humiliation I don’t mind but when it comes to well cutting whipping or slicing I fai…nt… Ugh Im light headed know ughhhhhh whaever… my dom and I are gonna try to meet in 20 minutes sooo I should probably go get ready, but my point is these questions are important so thanks DS for bringing them up 🙂

  5. Pingback: Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive | Miss Lizzy

  6. I am a 45 year old woman, recently divorced who now has a 37 year old naturally alpha dom male boyfriend. The first time he gently placed his hand around my neck my body just melted and he noticed. I had no idea why this was happening, no one had ever done this to me before. After reading your blog posts, dominantsoul, I have realized I am absolutely an alpha sub 100%. It’s amazing to finally have something click, all the stars align and you see things anew at 45. Recently he whispered into my ear how he thinks it would be hot for me to wear a choker necklace out in public with my hair up so he can show me off. I think I gasped when he said it because I was fantasizing about doing just that. Unraveling this is sooo fantastic and it seems we have no end to this…

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