Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive

The most important role a Sensual Dominant plays is to ensure the mental and physical safety of a submissive, especially of a novice submissive who has no clue what will happen during her first sessions. The second key role a Sensual Dom plays is to understand the key physical, sexual and psychological triggers that will unleash her sexually. The following 5 questions establishes the boundaries of the safe play and also uncover some key sexual and psychological triggers for helping a submissive reach the next level of sexual response.

1) What are your BDSM hard limits? (Scat, urine, golden showers, needles/knives/fire, medical play, verbal or physical humiliation, caging, severe pain, children/animals, etc.). This establishes the current comfort limits of play for a sub. These limits will soften and change with time, trust/familiarity with a Dom and with BDSM experience for every sub. Crossing these limits without prior discussion with a sub is a serious break from protocol for safe consensual play, a serious betrayal of a submissive’s trust and it may trigger a panic attack within the submissive.

2) What BDSM acts do you deeply want to try and why? (i.e. sensual touching, bondage, blindfold, spanking, hair pulling, paddling/flogging, forced orgasms, forced squirting, orgasm denial, anal, rough sex, fisting, hot wax, etc). The specific acts are not important. What is important to understand the why someone craves these specific experiences and how those experiences make a sub feel.

3) What bondage/submission fantasies/roleplay do you desire? (boss & secretary, naughty schoolgirl & teacher, policeman & hooker, home invasion/rape, multiple men/gangbang, naked and blindfolded in a group of men, etc. ). The specific fantasies a sub desires tells us a great deal about the underlying scenarios and themes that arousal a sub (attraction to authority figures with power, a good girl forced to do bad acts, a loss of control, sensory deprivation, being sexually forced, sex with strangers, sex with many men, sex in foreign environments or public, etc). These themes can be easily integrated into domination scenes a Dom designs for a specific sub.
4) What sexual/foreplay acts arouses you MOST intensely? (Kissing your neck, massages, soft sensual kissing, giving oral sex, forced deepthroat, hair pulling, hand on your throat, etc.). This should uncover specific “Sexual Hot Buttons” for a submissive that highly arouse her. Giving oral sex or being forced to perform deepthroat tend to be very common sexual turn-ons for submissives. These are hot buttons a Dom wants to use to push a submissive to the next level of arousal during a session or to start a session to put her into a slutty submissive mindset.
5) What key words that trigger your arousal or submissive response? Word phrases such as “You are my slut”, “Who’s my whore?”, “Who owns this ass?”, and “Suck my cock whore” all have power sexual messages of ownership and control when said in the proper context and are spoken by the appropriate man to a submissive. These are powerful “Psychological Hot Buttons” and sexual arousal triggers that can place a woman instantly into a slutty submissive mindset. Knowing which phrases specifically arouse a submissive psychologically is key to push a sub to the next level of arousal during a session. Refer to link to an article on this topic for further details and examples: “Noun Sex: Hot Button Words The Trigger The Submissive Libido”
I hope both Doms and submissives find this article useful and insightful. Play safe.

Please comment or “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article resonate with you or raises questions in your mind, post a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people.


#SensualDomination # submissive #bdsm #DominantSoul

31 comments on “Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive

  1. Pingback: Unleashing a submissive… | DominantSoul

  2. You will have noticed that I am absorbing most of the information on your whole site by now. I am so very happy that there are guides like yourself in the world who take time out of their day to help others on the road to discovery.

    It is a gift of its very own to the lost and/or confused. Thank you.


  3. As a new sub, I find your writings incredibly helpful for finding the right Dom. So many men call themselves a Dom, yet have no idea what it truly means… sad! I feel bad when I, as a new sub, can tell them more about being a Dom than they already know, and say they have “years of experience”… I will patiently wait for my Dom. Do you have any friends? 😛

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I happy my dom knew similar questions to ask me… the boy is half sadistic and pains a HUGE problem with me sure my screams will give HIM pleasure but I faint at the sight of blood soooooo…. Caged, tied up, humiliation I don’t mind but when it comes to well cutting whipping or slicing I fai…nt… Ugh Im light headed know ughhhhhh whaever… my dom and I are gonna try to meet in 20 minutes sooo I should probably go get ready, but my point is these questions are important so thanks DS for bringing them up 🙂


  5. Pingback: Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive | Miss Lizzy

  6. I am a 45 year old woman, recently divorced who now has a 37 year old naturally alpha dom male boyfriend. The first time he gently placed his hand around my neck my body just melted and he noticed. I had no idea why this was happening, no one had ever done this to me before. After reading your blog posts, dominantsoul, I have realized I am absolutely an alpha sub 100%. It’s amazing to finally have something click, all the stars align and you see things anew at 45. Recently he whispered into my ear how he thinks it would be hot for me to wear a choker necklace out in public with my hair up so he can show me off. I think I gasped when he said it because I was fantasizing about doing just that. Unraveling this is sooo fantastic and it seems we have no end to this…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Definitely helpful, but a rewrite would be nice to allow for male submissives and female Doms. Definite request that the author replace the term “woman” with the correct term “submissive” in the final point. I ask this not because I think any serious players would make the mistake, the scene is fairly tolerant, but rather because it normalizes masculine submissiveness and allows submissive men to see that there are safe places for them to be themselves. And Dominant women, too, but that’s less of an issue since subs are more easily influenced by society. I also ask this to de-normalize the prevelant mainstream white/cis/male idea that all women are naturally submissive.
    The specification of comments being used by “the appropriate man” was an excellent clarification on the idea that a submissive must be equally submissive to all, and I thank you for it.


    • Amaya… Let me clear. I write from the only perspective I have which is as a Dominant heterosexual male. I am not an expert on Dominant female / submissive male dynamics so I don’t write from that perspective. I invite you to write a blog for submissive males…

      Liked by 2 people

  8. I really enjoyed this article. And I really think it’s great that you take time to help out beginners. By putting together guides like these. Because wether they know it or not they’ll need a lot of help as a beginner in a BDSM relationship.
    I was wondering if you could maybe write more about, or suggest some of your writings about The Importance of setting clear boundaries From the beginning and sticking with them.if you already have posts on the subject;if you do I’d love to read them and I encourage all newbies who are trying to build a lasting strong BDSM relationship to work,to do the same,For the sake of the relationship and both partners trust,security and sanity. I have some insight into how things can easily go south if these kind of boundaries aren’t set and followed. And I can’t help but think maybe if someone had warned me I could have saved a great deal of time and heartache. This is assuming I would have actually listened or took heed to what anyone told me. sometimes I’m not very good at that and other times I’m too good at it. 😉
    -thanks again for sharing. Your knowledge and experience of this subject are greatly appreciated.


  9. I came across your blog this afternoon and have been reading all your articles all evening and night. I have always had that feeling where I need some pain to get pleasure. I have known this for a long time but never found a Dom who understood me until just lately, I hope. We will have our first session in 2 weeks but he did asked me all the questions and sent me a list of my soft and hard limits, which I so appreciated. We have been in touch every day messaging and I get so aroused with so many of his words and how he phrases them. So wish us luck.

    When I was 17, I met a guy at a club (in my home town) and for some reason, I went to his home and did not leave for over a week. It’s a long story, but I’ll cut to the chase. That first night, he had me handcuff to the bed and held a knife to my throat, but I wasn’t scared, I was actually turned on. He was good looking but also had that confidence of what he was doing. He whispered ” don’t make a sound, do not move”. he played with my breast, taunted it and then fucked me hard. He would uncuff me after and told me I am not allowed to leave his home without permission and I didn’t. I wasn’t afraid of him but I wanted to please him. I did not understand it then, but I figured it out later that I might be a born sub, if that makes any sense. Been searching for that feeling ever since, found them in my dreams though.

    I really appreciate how you explain in simple terms about Dom and subs. I loved all your articles. As so many has said, we wish you were our Dom.
    Thank you again and I hope you keep this blog up.


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