Homework for the Novice Submissive: Choosing the Right Dominant for Yourself
By definition, a submissive is a person of free will who, of their own volition, chooses to give over control of their body, mind and soul to a Dominant to be trained.
You need to understand that you are putting your entire physical and emotional safety into the hands of a Dom so this decision requires much more trust than ANY vanilla sex partner you have ever had! The key point being a submissive chooses their own Dom… so choose wisely.
Here are a few things you need to think about in developing a selection criterion BEFORE approaching any Dom:
- How to you feel about receiving pain? Do you like the idea? Why do you think you would enjoy it? Do you want to be with someone who would take pleasure in hurting you either mentally or physically or both?
- What is your pain tolerance? Where do you fit on the pain tolerance scale (masochist to wimpy)?
- What types of emotional experiences do you want from BDSM? Sensual/Erotic or Emotionally Sadistic or a mix of both
- Do you have specific scenarios/fantasies you crave to live out? (Role-play – Naughty Schoolgirl/Sexy Secretary, threesomes (MMF/FFM), Gangbangs, Abduction/Rape, Home Invader/Rape, etc.)
- What are the fetishes you are interested in exploring now? (Make an online list that can be easily updated over time that links to your sub profile using Fetlife “Fetishes” tab – under the “more” banner at the top)
- What are the fetishes you may be interested in exploring in the future? (make a list using Fetlife “Fetishes” tab)
- What are your hard limits (anal, Gangbangs, humiliation, sensory deprivation, blood/needles, choking, severe pain, pee, scat, animals, knife play, medical play etc.) – make a list or post it as part of your profile
- What personality and physical traits are you looking for in a Dom? (Self-confident, Domineering/Controlling, Inspires trust and confidence, Integrity/Truthfulness, Mentoring/Educating, Intelligence, Muscular, Tattoos, Piercings, etc.)
- How important is his prior experience in your fetishes of interest?
- How much experience do you want a Dom to have? Novice, two, five, ten, twenty years?
- How was he trained as a Dom? (Online, Under a Master, Experience)
- Is Aftercare important to you and do you need a Dom who offers aftercare? What kind of Aftercare do you want/need and don’t want? )
- Do you want to be his only sub (exclusive) or are you open to be trained with other subs (polyamory)?
- Would you consider a Married Dom if you are single and unattached?
- Do you want to check his references (i.e. past subs)?
- Do you want to try a few trial play sessions before making a decision about committing to become his sub?
- Would you be willing to relocate or have a long-distance relationship for the right Dom ?
This is by no means an exhaustive list of things to consider when selecting an appropriate Dom but it should be a decent start.
I hope this helps give you a few ideas and this helps you find a Dom who is a good fit for you.
Please comment or “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, please subscribe to email alerts or twitter.
- Homework for Novice Submissives: Choosing the Right Dominant for Yourself (dominantsoul.wordpress.com)
- Dominants vs. Female Abusers – Spotting Posers and Predators… (dominantsoul.wordpress.com)
- Aftercare 101 (bedroombondage.wordpress.com)