Building Her Up!: Nurturing A Confident, Vivacious Sensual Submissive

There are many misconceptions about Sensual Domination and BDSM. The most common misconception about Domination is that it is about the degradation and abuse of women.

Unless you understand the nature of a Sensual D/s relationship, you would think that degradation and abuse is the purpose of the relationship when looking from the outside. It is completely counter-intuitive that the path to nurturing the sensual submissive desires within a woman is to build her self-confidence and make her feel beautiful, sexy, cherished and deeply desired… It makes absolutely no sense on the surface. It is clearly an intellectual contradiction that most ordinary people cannot grasp without experiencing it for themselves.

This is a complex and confusing onion to understand. So let’s first peel back a few layers to help understand the foundation of the dynamics at play. Let’s forget that about the  naughty man with the whip/paddle/hand (i.e Me) involved in this relationship and focus solely on the psychology of the woman and her sexual needs & desires. Secondly, let’s forget this woman is wildly kinky and her desires are to feel “owned” and “used” by a man sexually. Let’s imagine she is a very average woman who craves completely vanilla sex with just her BF/husband/partner, just she wants a lot more passionate love-making.

Building Up Her Confidence Creates A Sexy Vixen...

Building Up Her Confidence Creates A Sexy Vixen…

How would you advise this completely ordinary vanilla woman how to feel sexier and more able to express her sexual desires? Would you recommend she do such things as?

  • Buy a new sexy dress and shoes
  • Go to the spa to pamper herself
  • Get a new hair style
  • Buy some sexy lingerie that flatters her body shape
  • Achieve a personal goal or pursue a personal interest

What do all these have in common? Hopefully the light bulb just went on in your head. The foundation is self-confidence. Confidence is the essence of sexy. It is the energy we exude that draws people to us. Regardless of the nature of her sexual desires, to make any woman feel sexier, you must build up her self-confidence. That is the key to understanding how to nurture a beautiful insatiable, uninhibited vixen from within any woman with submissive desires. She is just a woman at the core…

Scars From Your Life Journey:
In your journey through life, our former partners, friends and family have a way of permanently scarring us with their words. These cruel words permanently alter our self-perception – our looks, our sex appeal, our body, our weight, our sexual ability. These emotional scars manifest as inhibitions, a lack of confidence, aversions or “emotional landmines” that set us off.

Part of being a good Sensual Dom is being able to recognize and remove the psychological obstacles in the way of a woman feeling highly self-confident, highly sexual and highly desired.

You may want to reference my earlier article: Hierarchy of Female Emotional Needs for Sex: Unleashing Her “Inner Vixen” It may be a useful tool for diagnosing the emotional needs of a submissive and your relationship with her.

Seeing Her Own Beauty Through My Eyes:
One fun way I start to change the self-perception of a submissive woman is shopping for a special outfit to dress her up for me (sexy lingerie, stockings, CFM heels, make up, jewelry). The process of shopping together for her special outfit ensures her mind is aroused for several days in advance which serves to extend mental foreplay of anticipation out to several days in advance of our intimate meeting. In the process of dressing up, a woman feels very beautiful, highly self-confident, desired and extremely aroused.

The second thing I do is I take a series of beautiful, erotic photos of her all dressed up in lingerie so she sees her own beauty captured through my eyes. That is a simple feedback loop from me to her of sexual energy that builds up a woman’s self-esteem.

Lastly, we play an erotic role-play game during the end of the photoshoot whereby her objective is to pose in increasingly suggestive poses that make me so horny that I want to put down the camera and ravage her…

This simple role-play has four powerful outcomes:

  • I capture her most sexual self in stunningly beautiful photos that make her feel beautiful, sexy and desired.
  • She escapes the mental restraints of her ordinary life to role-play a highly confident & highly sexually expressive woman
  • She is so mentally aroused by the whole process for several days, she experiences incredibly powerful orgasms
  • We have incredibly hot, wild sex and create beautiful sexy photos as memories which makes everyone happy to do this again.

The Longer Journey:
Building up a person’s self-confidence is not a quick fix but this is a good starting point to build from. It takes consistent love, support and encouragement over time for someone to accept themselves and to see their own value… Praise costs us nothing to give but it is priceless to the recipient – praise profusely and often. Remember, it is a process over time; not an event…

By building up the sexual confidence of a submissive, she feels increasingly powerful to freely express her sexual desire. So now you should see that Sensual Domination is not an act of abuse and degradation of women. It is an act of great caring and love of a woman. Only a man who truly loves, cherishes and appreciates women could unleash them sexually.

Please comment or “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please leave a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, send me a friend request.


25 comments on “Building Her Up!: Nurturing A Confident, Vivacious Sensual Submissive

  1. Pingback: So… How Do You Transform Your Partner Into Head-Turning Vixen? | DominantSoul

  2. I love this article. It works in the vanilla world as well as D/s. I wish you taught a class on this. Most men unfortunately don’t understand that for women w everything starts in the mind. Engage a woman’s mind and make them feel like a beautiful sex kitten and we will do almost anything to please our man.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I also love this article and agree. When my man engages my mind and we have the sexy talk going on, or just him saying what he enjoys with me, or misses me, even sending me an erotic story telling me what he wants to do with me, to me, for me, oh my how that starts the process for me believing he wants me (even if I already know he does), me believing I am all that and more plus leaves me wanting to please him any way I can.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As a Confidant Woman, I believe every woman should have and wear black stay up stockings, and black strap high heels. with her man….Preferably pulling on those stockings one leg at time while looking him directly, right in the eye. from a reclining position on the bed….. Legs up In the air, I put on the sandal heels and am soon being aroused and devoured the way I want to be….

    ….just thinking about wearing these two articles of clothing gets me wet and anxious to find my next opportunity.


  5. If I understand you right. A D/s relationship is about helping a submissive find her confidence….her inner sexuality. By mind training and role playing you are able to achieve those goals. But what is it that the Dominant will develop in relationship? As you see it.

    From a curious newbie….


      • Your stuff is just– So good. I am so happy to read all of this. About this idea of the Dom cultivating this relationship, where he builds his sub into her best self, his One– Do you have any thoughts or advice about telling the difference between people who do similar building-up, but for different reasons?

        What I mean is, say, the men who build you up and stroke your ego because they want to keep you around for their own benefit, versus, the ideal Dom who will truly want you to feel amazing and vulnerable over time, enough to engage in deep sexual experiences. I find this to be a huge problem for me and some other women I know, where, the early stages of a relationship do seem to be caring, loving, safe, a good balance of the dom/sub relationship… But then at some point (that may be unknown) of peeling away the onion layers, the relationship shows it was rather self-serving the entire time anyway, and instead of feeling full and confident, the feeling inside is that of deep betrayal and belittlement. Like, I am an inferior human being because I did not live up to the expectations of this person who “loved” me.

        One of the things I love that you have really described well, is the need for the sub to feel so cared for (because she really is, it isn’t fake, it’s genuine care to build her up into what she can be) that she can finally release all of the wild from within, past emotional scars, things normally seen as negative, etc. I find that any time I do feel safe enough in a relationship to get to this level, shortly after I reveal my inner darkness (which is still countered by inner beauty), I am no longer attractive anymore. This has been more painful that anything, and has deeply scarred me over and over, so that it will be increasingly more difficult to ever find my mate, my Dom. Do you have any advice for how to see in early stages, whether or not you are being cared for in the “right” ways, versus in basic self-serving ways that all men will do to get what they want in the early stages? I apologize for this being so long!! 🙂 Thank you. I greatly value your opinion.

        Liked by 1 person

        • You are asking a very complex question about trust, integrity and other people motives. There are many types men are skilled at seducing women for sex and for other purposes . For example, Pimps are notorious for being able to seduce beautiful women then using them.

          I think it really comes down to a person’s character and consistency of behaviour and actions. A Dom must prove his character as a man on a consistent and continuous basis. I have always believed in listening to the little voice in your head – it is the millions of years of evolution trying to keep you safe even when you eyes and heart don’t see the danger. At the very first sign of inconsistency, lying or shifty behaviour, kick him to the curb! What you are offering a man is too valuable to waste on men who are not worthy.

          I also believe that a sub needs to slowly reveal her true self only after a Dom has proven himself as a worthy, committed partner. You need to test his motives and his intentions regularly. You need to observe critically. Trust and intimacy are only earned over time… a very long time.

          Then and only then is he worthy of your complete submission… and your complete sluttiness.


          Liked by 3 people

  6. I love this, it is very true. But also very hard to get; from my perspective anyhow. Maybe it’s just my take on it through my previous relationships. It’s a shame most Dom’s don’t feel like you about the effort needed to care ‘fully’ for their sub. Thank you for giving me hope that I shall get this one day in my quest for a true D/s life 😊


  7. I really enjoyed reading this. It made me think of myself in so many ways. All it takes is one person who thinks the world of you to show you what they see. To guide you and bring out the inner beauty.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I have a fascinating psych question for y’all… and I’m a doctor (but not that variety), so I’m not ignorant of the ways of the mind, but I am curious to hear just what in the fuck could be wrong with me.
    So, I had a man do this for me. Literally, almost verbatim plus [extra]infinity. He went above and beyond to ensure I physically met goals I wasn’t even aware were attainable for me. He smashed all the ceilings. Paved the way for me to do anything I wanted to do. He literally surpassed a debilitating mental barrier for me and then waited to watch my reaction entire thing. He designed a veritable utopia fraught with dangers I should have recognized with the sole intent to tantalize my mind and arouse me on a plane hereto undocumented by mankind. He utilized every tool he had at his disposal. Such a concept is unfathomable. Unheard of.
    Sadly, I spent far too long relishing in awe of his masterpiece. Just floating stagnate watching the process and feeling incredibly spectacular that I could have possibly warranted such a feat. He became upset. Such a masterpiece deserves an appropriate response, no?
    My response was appropriate. Just not acceptable to him.
    What would you do? If you were given EVERYTHING you’d ever wanted all at once? How would you break it down? How would you survive immersion into hedonism?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: Building Her Up!: Nurturing A Confident, Vivacious Sensual Submissive – My Little Soapbox

  10. I agree that strength and leadership can be exhibited best by building someone up first so that they trust you and feel confident in your choices. They realize you are only doing what’s best for them. It also empowers them to be the best version of themselves AND for you so it’s a win for everyone involved. Great article!!


  11. Pingback: My Training Rules for Submissives & Babygirls – Darkest Sins

  12. Oh my God! You have just described the last 6 weeks of my life. I’ve found a gorgeous Dom on tinder, seduced him or so I thought, and with hardly any effort he’s got me multiply orgasmic and we haven’t even met! Now we are in lockdown. The only trouble is he says he doesn’t want a relationship only one off hook ups which is counter to your modus operandi of making the woman feel truly adored. Apparantly we could have a lot of fun he says. I want to explore him but I think it limits my ability to really let go if it’s just occasional hook ups when we are free. Do I need to find a Dom that wants a relationship? I’m not fool enough to not take his work for it and believe him. My God he is hot! And he makes me feel hot!


    • You’re a big girl. Manage your expectations. If you know it is only hot sex, accept it as the nature of the relationship and make decision is you want that or not.

      Most Doms are in relationships already but are looking for some side action. There are hundreds more female submissives looking for few Dom men out there. There’s lots of fake Doms as well.


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