Pre-Foreplay: Arouse The Mind, Then The Body Follows Eagerly

I strongly believe the mind is our largest sex organ. I absolutely love and thoroughly enjoy the lost art of seduction! I don’t think I fully appreciated the importance and the erotic fun of building that sense of anticipation inside a partner until much later in life… With maturity and experience comes an appreciation for the finer things in life – like a fine gourmet meal with many courses, the goal of great sex is to savor each course slowly and enjoy the journey rather than rushing to the destination. With time, you learn that truly mind-blowing sex in not a purely physical act of genitals but an act of intense emotions with someone you are deeply connected to that starts in the mind.

Our Minds Are Our Largest Sex Organs... Arouse It!

Our Minds Are Our Largest Sex Organs… Arouse It!

I describe the art of creating sexual anticipation in a partner as “Pre-Foreplay”. The basic idea of “Pre-Foreplay” is making a female partner incredibly mentally aroused so she is intensely turned on BEFORE you ever touch or ksiss her… Pre-foreplay extends physical foreplay out to several days of romantic mental foreplay. A highly mentally aroused woman can climax much faster, much easier and much more often. I firmly believe multiple female orgasms are the key metric of a loving, happy relationship because it truly measures being emotionally and physically connected as a couple.

Romance, Foreplay & Female Orgasms have a Marketing Problem for Men
To understand men, you need first to understand how we think (or don’t think). Most men are selfishly focused on their own orgasm and all the things that support that end. Most men don’t see what is in it for them to think about a woman’s pleasure or arousal . So they don’t really see the “Marketing Value Proposition” or bigger picture or broader benefits of things such as romance, flirting and giving lots of foreplay. However, they know they need to go through the motions in order to get sex but they don’t really see the inherent value of focusing on the emotional and physical needs of women. Most men can tactically see the “trees” of romance (smell nice, dress nice, buy flowers, go for dinner, be attentive, etc.) they need to do but most men cannot see the bigger picture of the “forest” of mental arousal & emotional needs. Men know we should buy flowers, dress nice and go out to dinner to get laid…. And that’s about the depth of our understanding of women… Honestly, none of us really get what women want beyond this…

However, if we told men “Romance & Foreplay is how you turn your Wife or GF into a vixen in bed”, we immediately capture their attention – The value proposition is very clear to men then. There is an old saying, “Appreciate the Lady in public to get the Vixen in the bedroom”. No truer words have been spoken about how women are wired…

Sadly, it is the reason why most women only experience 0-2 orgasms ever in their sex lives. Women are much more mental & emotional then physical; whereas men are obsessed with the physical aspects of penis size, sexual performance and sexual technique. Most women need more time and mental stimulation to “warm up” sexually and their male partners are not focused on a woman’s mental and emotional needs.

Metaphorically, I describe women are like sexual “slow-cookers” and men are like sexual “microwave ovens.” Most women are capable of having 2-10 orgasms and some fortunate women, 40+ orgasms during an evening however 95% of women have no clue their body has this powerful sexual ability. Given the right mental arousal, setting and sexual technique, the sky is the limit. The key is knowing the best time to give a woman an orgasm is right after she has just had an orgasm… After a woman achieves her first orgasm, it only gets easier and faster to make her cum again. Just don’t stop when you get in a rhythm. Another orgasm is just a few seconds away!!

A smart man would realize that if they spent more time/effort making the “slow-cooker” overheat a few times first THEN turn on the “microwave oven”, they would be rewarded with the wildest sex of their lives and they would have much happier, rewarding and satisfying relationships… Like Christmas, you get so much more from giving and you are amazed how much more you get back in return…

Understanding Pre-Foreplay:

Pre-foreplay is merely erotic gamesmanship of slowly warming up a female mentally and sexually over a long period of time. It takes almost no effort or time – just some forethought. It is merely slowly painting a vivid mental scenario of an upcoming romantic interlude in the mind of the woman. Women spend lots of time making hundreds of small detailed decisions in order to look and feel beautiful for a special occasion. As you slowly provide details, a woman’s mind repeatedly gets aroused romantically and sexually. Thinking about details aroused their imagination. This process is just recognizing, encouraging and appreciating all this effort women put in aimed to please their men and making themselves feel sexy and confident… The simple act of noticing and complimenting is acknowledgement and validation of all the effort women put into looking beautiful.

Here is a simple scenario to illustrate the concept of “Pre-foreplay”:

  • I ask you out for a special dinner at a fine restaurant that you have been dying to go to for next Saturday (10+ days away) – Giving you lots of time to think about all the details (dress, shoes, accessories) involving in getting ready for a special evening out.
  • I tell you I want you to go out to buy a new dress that will make other men drool over you and make them green with envy when you walk in the room. (So you know I want you to look sexy & glamorous)
  • I tell you that I love your pretty feet and really hot legs. I think you should go to the spa this week to get a mani/pedi then buy a new pair of sexy strappy heels to show off your sexy legs. (So you clearly know I love to see lots of your legs)
  • Three days before our date, I call you at work to tell you I reserved a special suite at a downtown hotel and you should plan to pack an overnight bag. I also tell you that I want you to go buy something pretty and feminine to wear under your new dress for dinner and something really hot for our evening together (So you know I have distinct romantic plans well beyond dinner. I also want to change the setting from your place/home where your mind could wander to various issues/worries like the kids, neighbors hearing, laundry, bills etc. during sex)
  • Two days before our date, I send you flowers to your work with a card saying “Thinking about you”. (This gives you a chance to glow about our romantic plans for the weekend with all you work colleagues and for you to call me…)
  •  During dinner, I lean in close to you then tell you I want you to go to the Ladies Room, remove your sexy panties then slip them into my suit pocket when you return to the table… (I am letting you know I really want to see the naughty vixen inside you and I am putting you into a highly sexual mindset)

Voila… You now have a very beautiful, sexy date who feels very deeply appreciated/desired and intensely aroused… Men need to learn how to say what they want from women and tell them what they find sexy and arousing. Women are amazingly good at giving what you ask for… Was that complicated or difficult?? Can you see the forest and the trees now?

It has come to my attention that there is a concern by women readers that some silly male boobs may actually attempt to do the exact scenario given as an example and then fail miserably (Refer to Reader Comments below). So I am forced to explain that the example provided in this article is merely reference framework which may or may not work for you, that needs to be uniquely customized to the individual woman’s taste and interests as well as the occasion (formal, special occasion, casual date, weekend getaway) because every woman and situation in unique.
– Replace dinner with picnic, concert, or antiquing or cycling in the country
– Replace Hotel with weekend at cottage or B&B or friend’s sailboat
– Replace flowers with sexy text messages, romantic note in her lunch, etc..

Also, great expense in not a requirement either – a homemade picnic can be as romantic as fine dining. Also, repetition of the same scenario would also spell disaster – repeating will not recapture the energy as the first time because there is no surprise. There is no substitute for creativity and imagination to keep things fresh, fun and exciting.

Relax, laugh together and have fun out there everyone….

Please comment or “LIKE”  or “SHARE” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment for me. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, please subscribe to email notifications or Twitter.


45 comments on “Pre-Foreplay: Arouse The Mind, Then The Body Follows Eagerly

  1. Wonderfully written, and a great explanation. As a woman, I can say that your technique would definitely work! Men just need to take some time in advance to get women in that certain mindset..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I strongly agree. Words and sensual visual movements can do more for arousal than even the actual act itself. Me, i so enjoy that whisper or look you give, knowing he is fully aroused by those things is the biggest turn-on ever! But you guys have it hard, we know when u r aroused either by your arousal or the dilation of your eyes. I believe it is a baser reaction. great post ..


  3. This is so wonderfully written and informative. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge and in sights. I m very much enjoying your lessons and they really help me to define and articulate what I m looking for in my partner for a fulfilling sex life.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. well, written good advice. I do hope there will be suggestions or on-going suggestions has to how the man’s head works. As I feel the surprise element must be two sided. More ideas how to turn a Dominate man on, or surprise. Not to TOP him in any way just slight show of appreciation for his attention on me. To reduce my feeling of selfishness.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh yes! That is THE ultimate recipe for a perfect date. There is nothing more arousing than teasing, preparing and building anticipation. You are so right; the brain is definitely the largest sex organ. I wish more men would understand and use these techniques. Men should be trained… It would make me a very happy woman to go on a date like that. Loved reading the article. Absolutely loved it!

    /your devoted Norwegian fan

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I admire you. The way your mind thinks is incredible. How did you learn about the importance of pre-for play etc.?Experience I’m sure. Was there a special lady that helped? I’m taken by such a knowledgeable man. Most men aren’t as savvy about what woman want. Your thought are refreshing. The emphasis on appreciation and respect, I deeply admire. Your article gives me hope. I think I might be in love with you. Ha ha I’m totally kidding. But it definitely touched me emotionally and physically a little. Thank you for taking the time and effort to hopefully help out the men that are lacking. Take care.


      • Due to your vast knowledge of the female mind and body I was curious if you had any helpful feed back for me…?? I recently turned 40 in July. I have never had a vaginal oragasm only with clitoral stimulation. I long to feel the pleasure of climaxing without having to stimulate myself. It is apparent to me that having the right partner is nessasary in bringing this to fruition. I’ve recently met a man that has opened my mind to Bdsm. I’ve been intimate with him twice it was rather mind blowing. Loved it. I have since then been doing my research online to better understand this new way of thinking about exploration. I came across your writings about domination which hit me hard. The way you explain what it’s about from your perspective resonated so deeply with me…anyhow 2-40 oragasms for some women ??? I figured if you have witnessed or given these multiple oragasms you could quite possibly give me information on how to get my body to orgasm vaginally without having to spend so much time with clitoral stimulation. Thank you kind sir for any reply you have to offer.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Heather… The point of the article was to illustrate that arousing your mind is the key to multiple orgasms, not sexual stimulation. If you are mentally aroused and full of sexual anticipation, you body will respond powerfully….DS


  7. Brand new dom, here.
    My wife recently expressed her deep desire to be a sub, so I’m happily accepting the opportunity to explore our sexuality.

    She turned me on to this blog, and informed me that dominant pre foreplay is her biggest turn on. What’s your biggest advice for someone new to this type of sexual exploration, and are there ways to start incorporating this kind of pre foreplay into daily life without as much meticulous forward planning?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I understand in theory the idea, and might even write about it. But I’m deeply cynical about the whole process. Actually, I rolled my eyes. It’s a point of contention between myself and husband that these plans actually work out. I certainly understand that male boobs would take this whole cloth. That’s probably why I retain my cynicism. I don’t believe that there is such a thing as a perfect date. Murphy’s Law has a play in there, somewhere.

    My beloved did take me on a very expensive trip for our engagement. It was lovely to a point. We ended up in a major fight, after we got engaged. None of the prep rep nor the mind pre fore play matters if you’re suddenly screaming at each other after a nice dinner. Confidence is great, but this isn’t something normal people do on a regular basis. Way too much pressure.

    Btw, does the male component of this legendary spectacle have to get manscaped and a mani and pedi as well? Seems only fair…


    • Hi. No disrespect or sarcasm intended here. i was just wondering what this means where you wrote, “I certainly understand that male boobs would take this whole cloth.” i read and re-read but i still don’t understand the sentence at all, truly. Call me a moron if it is that obvious and i have missed it? And i also wanted to say something about that guy Murphy. i have dealt with Murphy. And yes, he has messed up many people’s plans. But, if you are diligent … diligence is Murphy’s kryptonite. i read a lot of sarcasm in your post. mostly by the pairing of your words “legendary spectacle”. perhaps
      maybe you’re inviting Murphy?


    • The writer may have modified the article after your reply – he indicates that the scenario he gave is just an example. I think it may well be too much pressure and be the opposite of comfortable to have a completely artificial and expensive set-up spun around sex. But, as I think others have pointed out, it needn’t look like that. The key ideas I honed in on in what he wrote were creating anticipation for the rendezvous and showing appreciation for and interest in your woman partner. These things don’t require an expensive trip or even a nice dinner. It can be literally Netflix and chill with some prior positive prompts and reminders building up to it.


  9. I have used the above scenarios and they work. If either person is oppositonal then nothing is going to work . And yes you don’t need expensive places or gifts try it at home text her or him at work during the day laying out what you will do after they have eaten the meal you cooked for them. I can tell you if you are into each other it works you will never go back to vanilla for to long. Thanks for the great article keep up the writing .


  10. I absolutely love everything you write … i have yet to be disappointed! This article, i most certainly hope, has enlightened and brought about more delighted and satisfied females AND males … such truly minor effort can bring about such breathtaking gratification – to all parties 🙂 (undoubtedly has for me, smiles)
    Thank you, for all you DO

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sometimes, your posts pop up in my mailbox at exactly the right moment! Thank you.
    I do hope one day to find the Dom that is an equal compliment to my sub self. You just keep me raising that bar! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Excellent framework! Truly, a well laid trap to start out. I do wish you’d consider a sequel.


  13. Love this article! You’ve explained women and their desires very well. I wish more men were reading this and learning from it because there are so many that have been missing the mark. I look forward to future articles you write
    because your experience has taught you more than most could ever know but knowledge is power and you’re my sexual superman saving some from continuous failures.


  14. Like I have seen many other women post, I wish that all men read things like this. Women aren’t as complicated as men think, we just want and need you to tell us what you want!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This piece is beautifully written and I think on point in terms of what’s necessary to set the stage for great sex with a woman. Where I would say it falters is on the topic of multiple orgasms — here I think it’s a matter of “it depends” and “every woman is different.” Some women will be just too sensitive for you to continue stimulation after that first orgasm without a break. Others will want to be able to enjoy the rush of feeling after the peak of the orgasm without the immediate stimulation, especially if we’re talking D/S where your sub is hopefully already floating in sub space. It’s also the case that every orgasm isn’t the same. From talking to guys and women and reading, as well as my own experiences it may be that the first orgasm is very intense but the others not so much (some orgasms are duds regardless of how aroused one is and there can also be diminishing returns). Throwing that out there because you mentioned multiple female orgasms as a prime measure of the goodness of a relationship. For some women that mind-blowing (single) orgasm you’ve worked up to giving her is feast enough – for others the additional orgasms will have to happen spaced out over a long session of happy eating instead of immediately, one after the other for the experience to be good.


  16. I am enjoying every fucking moment reading your great blog and sharing it with my friends (both men & women).
    I am a Sensual Domme/Switch… that Alpha Female by day and in the BDSM Community (pick-up impact & edge play at parties & events), and Alpha Submissive Vixen at night, in my private, sex play. We can be both. I am. I’ve learned so much about myself from reading your blog. I’m having the best time of my life now and currently looking for the *right* powerful, sensual man who is my Dom.


    • Driving you sexually crazy might have been my intent of this article… 😏😏😏

      Glad you enjoyed my writings and that they resonated powerfully with your mind and various other body parts… 😁😁😁



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