I strongly believe the mind is our largest sex organ. I absolutely love and thoroughly enjoy the lost art of seduction! I don’t think I fully appreciated the importance and the erotic fun of building that sense of anticipation inside a partner until much later in life… With maturity and experience comes an appreciation for the finer things in life – like a fine gourmet meal with many courses, the goal of great sex is to savor each course slowly and enjoy the journey rather than rushing to the destination. With time, you learn that truly mind-blowing sex in not a purely physical act of genitals but an act of intense emotions with someone you are deeply connected to that starts in the mind.
I describe the art of creating sexual anticipation in a partner as “Pre-Foreplay”. The basic idea of “Pre-Foreplay” is making a female partner incredibly mentally aroused so she is intensely turned on BEFORE you ever touch or ksiss her… Pre-foreplay extends physical foreplay out to several days of romantic mental foreplay. A highly mentally aroused woman can climax much faster, much easier and much more often. I firmly believe multiple female orgasms are the key metric of a loving, happy relationship because it truly measures being emotionally and physically connected as a couple.
Romance, Foreplay & Female Orgasms have a Marketing Problem for Men
To understand men, you need first to understand how we think (or don’t think). Most men are selfishly focused on their own orgasm and all the things that support that end. Most men don’t see what is in it for them to think about a woman’s pleasure or arousal . So they don’t really see the “Marketing Value Proposition” or bigger picture or broader benefits of things such as romance, flirting and giving lots of foreplay. However, they know they need to go through the motions in order to get sex but they don’t really see the inherent value of focusing on the emotional and physical needs of women. Most men can tactically see the “trees” of romance (smell nice, dress nice, buy flowers, go for dinner, be attentive, etc.) they need to do but most men cannot see the bigger picture of the “forest” of mental arousal & emotional needs. Men know we should buy flowers, dress nice and go out to dinner to get laid…. And that’s about the depth of our understanding of women… Honestly, none of us really get what women want beyond this…
However, if we told men “Romance & Foreplay is how you turn your Wife or GF into a vixen in bed”, we immediately capture their attention – The value proposition is very clear to men then. There is an old saying, “Appreciate the Lady in public to get the Vixen in the bedroom”. No truer words have been spoken about how women are wired…
Sadly, it is the reason why most women only experience 0-2 orgasms ever in their sex lives. Women are much more mental & emotional then physical; whereas men are obsessed with the physical aspects of penis size, sexual performance and sexual technique. Most women need more time and mental stimulation to “warm up” sexually and their male partners are not focused on a woman’s mental and emotional needs.
Metaphorically, I describe women are like sexual “slow-cookers” and men are like sexual “microwave ovens.” Most women are capable of having 2-10 orgasms and some fortunate women, 40+ orgasms during an evening however 95% of women have no clue their body has this powerful sexual ability. Given the right mental arousal, setting and sexual technique, the sky is the limit. The key is knowing the best time to give a woman an orgasm is right after she has just had an orgasm… After a woman achieves her first orgasm, it only gets easier and faster to make her cum again. Just don’t stop when you get in a rhythm. Another orgasm is just a few seconds away!!
A smart man would realize that if they spent more time/effort making the “slow-cooker” overheat a few times first THEN turn on the “microwave oven”, they would be rewarded with the wildest sex of their lives and they would have much happier, rewarding and satisfying relationships… Like Christmas, you get so much more from giving and you are amazed how much more you get back in return…
Pre-foreplay is merely erotic gamesmanship of slowly warming up a female mentally and sexually over a long period of time. It takes almost no effort or time – just some forethought. It is merely slowly painting a vivid mental scenario of an upcoming romantic interlude in the mind of the woman. Women spend lots of time making hundreds of small detailed decisions in order to look and feel beautiful for a special occasion. As you slowly provide details, a woman’s mind repeatedly gets aroused romantically and sexually. Thinking about details aroused their imagination. This process is just recognizing, encouraging and appreciating all this effort women put in aimed to please their men and making themselves feel sexy and confident… The simple act of noticing and complimenting is acknowledgement and validation of all the effort women put into looking beautiful.
Here is a simple scenario to illustrate the concept of “Pre-foreplay”:
- I ask you out for a special dinner at a fine restaurant that you have been dying to go to for next Saturday (10+ days away) – Giving you lots of time to think about all the details (dress, shoes, accessories) involving in getting ready for a special evening out.
- I tell you I want you to go out to buy a new dress that will make other men drool over you and make them green with envy when you walk in the room. (So you know I want you to look sexy & glamorous)
- I tell you that I love your pretty feet and really hot legs. I think you should go to the spa this week to get a mani/pedi then buy a new pair of sexy strappy heels to show off your sexy legs. (So you clearly know I love to see lots of your legs)
- Three days before our date, I call you at work to tell you I reserved a special suite at a downtown hotel and you should plan to pack an overnight bag. I also tell you that I want you to go buy something pretty and feminine to wear under your new dress for dinner and something really hot for our evening together (So you know I have distinct romantic plans well beyond dinner. I also want to change the setting from your place/home where your mind could wander to various issues/worries like the kids, neighbors hearing, laundry, bills etc. during sex)
- Two days before our date, I send you flowers to your work with a card saying “Thinking about you”. (This gives you a chance to glow about our romantic plans for the weekend with all you work colleagues and for you to call me…)
- During dinner, I lean in close to you then tell you I want you to go to the Ladies Room, remove your sexy panties then slip them into my suit pocket when you return to the table… (I am letting you know I really want to see the naughty vixen inside you and I am putting you into a highly sexual mindset)
Voila… You now have a very beautiful, sexy date who feels very deeply appreciated/desired and intensely aroused… Men need to learn how to say what they want from women and tell them what they find sexy and arousing. Women are amazingly good at giving what you ask for… Was that complicated or difficult?? Can you see the forest and the trees now?
DISCLAIMER FOR THE HARD OF THINKING:
It has come to my attention that there is a concern by women readers that some silly male boobs may actually attempt to do the exact scenario given as an example and then fail miserably (Refer to Reader Comments below). So I am forced to explain that the example provided in this article is merely reference framework which may or may not work for you, that needs to be uniquely customized to the individual woman’s taste and interests as well as the occasion (formal, special occasion, casual date, weekend getaway) because every woman and situation in unique.
– Replace dinner with picnic, concert, or antiquing or cycling in the country
– Replace Hotel with weekend at cottage or B&B or friend’s sailboat
– Replace flowers with sexy text messages, romantic note in her lunch, etc..
Also, great expense in not a requirement either – a homemade picnic can be as romantic as fine dining. Also, repetition of the same scenario would also spell disaster – repeating will not recapture the energy as the first time because there is no surprise. There is no substitute for creativity and imagination to keep things fresh, fun and exciting.
Relax, laugh together and have fun out there everyone….
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