I wonder how many people keep their wildest sexual desires & kinks in the closet hidden even from their life partners. I suspect most people in the world and even many people on FetLife are hiding aspects of their true sexuality from their partners. So many people are secretly online alone, trying to understand their own urges, desires and fantasies without their partners.
I suspect most people repress their true sexuality, desires and fantasies (anal sex, bisexuality, voyeurism, exhibitionism, 3some, bondage, swinging, etc.) fearing being rejected or humiliated by the people they most love. We don’t feel emotionally secure enough to fully expose ourselves sexually. Emotional intimacy has its’ foundation in trust. It begs the question, why don’t we trust our partners enough to be completely honest about our sexuality?
I made that very mistake by marrying a lovely but vanilla woman who was not confident, adventurous or highly sexual. I wasted 20 years of my life being very unhappy and repressing who I truly was sexually. Prior to my marriage, I was very sexually adventurous during my years at university. But I literally thought I needed to “settle down” after graduate school. My sexual frustration grew over time then I sought out online friendships and discussions of various sexual interests that eventually led an affair with a woman who I met online who was very sexually adventurous and submissive. She allowed me to fully re-explore and re-express my Dominant sexuality. Although I got the chance to explore my sexuality, I was still living a fractured life (one public life and one secret sexual life). Once I divorced, I have fully embraced my sexuality.
A life partner who truly loves you and accepts you wants to make you happy and successful in every way in life (physically, emotionally, sexually, financially, professionally), thus allowing you to lead a unified life where all your needs are fulfilled within one loving relationship/partner. I believe that only once you fully embrace who you truly are (including all your sexual desires, fantasies & kinks), you are then ready to find lasting happiness because you finally accept who you are without fear, guilt or shame.
Repressing Your Desires Will Lead To “Emotional Leakage”
If your current partner does not accept you for your sexual desires, repressing your desires will not find you lasting happiness. It is merely a coping strategy to deal with the immediate situation. Your sexuality is a core part of who you are. You cannot ignore your desires and you cannot suppress them forever.
Eventually your desires will re-emerge in some sort of “emotional leakage” forcing you to desperately seek out a secret affair or to leave to start a new relationship that more fully fulfills your needs. If your partner rejects you now for your sexuality, then you are free to meet a new partner who is sexually confident and open-minded enough to accept who you are in total…
There is an old saying is Sales Training, “No” is the second best answer a prospect can ever give you. It allows you to stop wasting your time and move onto other deals you could actually close. But it is the “Maybes” who string you along forever that will kill you”… I believe the same is true with relationships… There are plenty of fish in the sea – and several a looking for a kinky fish just like you!
Something to think about…
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