Embracing Your “Sexual Freak”

I wonder how many people keep their wildest sexual desires & kinks in the closet hidden even from their life partners. I suspect most people in the world and even many people on FetLife are hiding aspects of their true sexuality from their partners. So many people are secretly online alone, trying to understand their own urges, desires and fantasies without their partners.

Such a good girl...

Such a good girl…

I suspect most people repress their true sexuality, desires and fantasies (anal sex, bisexuality, voyeurism, exhibitionism, 3some, bondage, swinging, etc.) fearing being rejected or humiliated by the people they most love. We don’t feel emotionally secure enough to fully expose ourselves sexually. Emotional intimacy has its’ foundation in trust. It begs the question, why don’t we trust our partners enough to be completely honest about our sexuality?

I made that very mistake by marrying a lovely but vanilla woman who was not confident, adventurous or highly sexual. I wasted 20 years of my life being very unhappy and repressing who I truly was sexually. Prior to my marriage, I was very sexually adventurous during my years at university. But I literally thought I needed to “settle down” after graduate school. My sexual frustration grew over time then I sought out online friendships and discussions of various sexual interests that eventually led an affair with a woman who I met online who was very sexually adventurous and submissive. She allowed me to fully re-explore and re-express my Dominant sexuality. Although I got the chance to explore my sexuality, I was still living a fractured life (one public life and one secret sexual life). Once I divorced, I have fully embraced my sexuality.

A life partner who truly loves you and accepts you wants to make you happy and successful in every way in life (physically, emotionally, sexually, financially, professionally), thus allowing you to lead a unified life where all your needs are fulfilled within one loving relationship/partner. I believe that only once you fully embrace who you truly are (including all your sexual desires, fantasies & kinks), you are then ready to find lasting happiness because you finally accept who you are without fear, guilt or shame.

Repressing Your Desires Will Lead To “Emotional Leakage”
If your current partner does not accept you for your sexual desires, repressing your desires will not find you lasting happiness. It is merely a coping strategy to deal with the immediate situation. Your sexuality is a core part of who you are. You cannot ignore your desires and you cannot suppress them forever.

Eventually your desires will re-emerge in some sort of “emotional leakage” forcing you to desperately seek out a secret affair or to leave to start a new relationship that more fully fulfills your needs. If your partner rejects you now for your sexuality, then you are free to meet a new partner who is sexually confident and open-minded enough to accept who you are in total…

There is an old saying is Sales Training, “No” is the second best answer a prospect can ever give you. It allows you to stop wasting your time and move onto other deals you could actually close. But it is the “Maybes” who string you along forever that will kill you”… I believe the same is true with relationships… There are plenty of fish in the sea – and several a looking for a kinky fish just like you!
Something to think about…

Please comment or “LIKE” or “SHARE” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, send me a friend request.


40 comments on “Embracing Your “Sexual Freak”

  1. I honestly cannot agree with you. I am in a 25 year long marriage….a very good marriage. Although I love my husband dearly, he is in no way interested in any BDSM at all…..he does have a kinky side, we all do, but what I seek, he cannot deliver. Hence, I do have ‘affairs’, not often, but I do. Not once have I ever thought of leaving him ! I never will. Yes, you can say I am repressing my desires, but that is a just a small sacrifice for a glorious marraige. He is the one that puts up with my character and my good and bad sides. He is the one that I come home to every evening after a hard day at work.
    So, sorry for not agreeing with you, but I would rather repress MY wants ( lets be honest, after 12 hours as a manager in the construction business, I don’t think of sex during the week) and if /when I do have time, I’ll get together with my dom once a month.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I have to agree with you, I’ve been exploring and have discovered I’d like to spice things up a bit and try new things. But when I’ve mentioned even the tamer things, he doesn’t handle those. No way will I bring up anything darker. The only way I think I will ever experience those things is with another partner. Very limited choices.


  3. I totally agree with what u have said. I have been in a few relationships where I have been frowned on for my sexual desires. It made me feel guilty and even unwanted.


      • I am really inspired by ur writings. I personally have never been one to hide my sexual desires from any partner. To many people are so afraid to explore their inner freak. So I feel they miss out on so much of themselves. How else is one gng to learn what they really like or don’t like.


      • FINDING the right partner is more than half the battle! Don’t rush into a relationship and don’t stay involved when it isn’t working.

        Be super picky and don’t settle for anyone less than THE Dom or sub partner that *fits* like a puzzle piece, into you.

        I am SO GLAD I discovered this blog at this time in my life! Newly single again, 57, Alpha Female Sexy-As-Fuck, Vixen! 💋

        Liked by 3 people

  4. You have a far more eloquently way of saying the things I try to express in my new relationship. My attempt at explaining is to get her used to the idea that it’s ok to be a sicko cos she is my sicko and I hers and that it’s ok to let her freak flag fly no matter what. I got her to start writing an erotic story to help her explore her thoughts that she shy’s away from admitting to herself. I figure that’s step one. Get comfortable within yourself what your deepest darkest desires are even if you will never act on them. It’s stalled at chapter 3 any ideas how to get it back on track??


  5. “Well… I do hope to inspire a sexual addiction within all my female readers. It’s my devilish nature to make you throbbing and soaking wet… Arousing your mind is my key objective” read this somewhere on here. You demon of a man! Using sexual desires as a tease to people you don’t even know. tsk tsk DS tsk tsk. None the less your plan works like a charm. mister.


  6. I can fully understand the ‘freak’ element of this. Not having been married I was in a long term relationship and it took me nearly five years to get close to telling my then partner what I wanted. Once we broke up I was back to the dating scene and when you mention anything outside of ‘vanilla’ guys run a mile. Basically I now have the choice of saying what I want and watching them run or going back to vanilla. Not a great choice.


  7. Good article. One of the reasons it is very important to either have some form of open marriage, or discuss with your spouse/partner first. My second husband comes from a very different culture than mine. Some things about ones human body are widely accepted, but views on sexuality can be very skewed. We had many discussions about various aspects of sexuality and work hard on our relationship. Being non monogamous is not an issue for either of us. However, like everything else in life, there are ebb and flows. It’s getting through this parts of life that bring about deeper trust, possibly further intimacy.


  8. Wow, this really struck home. I opened this with this because it’s important for me to explore these aspects, and reading it I read it more from my partners eyes. My partner is a Dom yet I have a hard time relinquishing control and it’s very hard for him despite our feelings and time spent together. It really hurts him to not feel like he can express himself. I don’t want him to go through 20 years of what you did, for him to be able to be himself. We’ve both agreed that sex is the cure here. I need sex regularly, and him more so, and I am relatively dirty, but he’s on another level than i am. I guess what’s so hard, harder than relinquishing control- is knowing that I’m the reason he can’t fully be himself. I’ve considered getting a remote operated vibe for him to control when we are together but I haven’t talked to him about it yet. I’m nervous. To be honest, I knew next to nothing of the world of subs and doms before me and him got together – and I think I may have an authority problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I have truly enjoyed each of your posts thus far. I have never been in any Dom/sub relationship. I’ve heard about it but always sounded “harsh” to me. Reading this information along with others definitely shines a completely different light than I ever could have imagined. I now understand my own desires of wanting a man who can take control of me when need be (especially in the bedroom). I’ve never unleashed that sexual part of myself as I’d hoped the desire would erase itself on its own since I’m used to being in control and damn good at it. I’m happy to learn that I’m not the only woman with such needs. Thank you for your amazing words.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sir, I discovered my submissive yearnings just after marrying a man whom I love very much, but who can or will not meet this yearning. That was 13 years ago this month. We have birthed and buried a child together. And here I am, in my 46th trip around the sun, absolutely squirming out of my being with need. Per your “Can He Handle Your Sexuality?” Scale, I’m afraid we’re at a 3. We’re both allowing it – he’s disconnected, I’m allowing it and living in my fantasies.
    How do I do this right? I am only very small, Sir, and afraid.


  11. This post totally resonates with me. I am happily married for 33 years. About 5 years ago I took an interest in bdsm. I tried and failed to force him to be my Dom. It’s just not him. We did however start opening up a little more about our desires. We have recently begun exploring the swinging lifestyle together and it is like we have been reborn. We go to parties and always play with others while we are together. No hiding from each other. Swing parties have allowed me to explore the parts of bdsm that interest me. He gifted me with a sensation session with a very well respected Master this weekend. He wants me to live out all my fantasies. If he can’t fill them he will find someone who will. Openness and honesty have made us more fulfilled as individuals and as a couple than ever before.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. I was in this situation and getting a divorce, while extremely difficult, has been the best thing I’ve done for myself and my ex-husband, who is now happily with the vanilla girl of his dreams. However, I am also currently “the other woman” to a man who is in this situation. His wife is SO vanilla (super conservative catholic and beyond…) and he is kinky and wonderful and bisexual (like me). When we were together, we never judged but told each other all of our fantasies, no matter how “freaky” we thought they might me. He’s back with his wife trying to “figured it out” and give it another shot but every two or three years they go through this and he ends up in an affair. I know that and have told him to be himself and if she doesn’t accept it, he will be unhappy hiding himself. The worst part is that I’m in love with him and I accept 100% of him and now I’m watching from the sidelines as he goes through the cycle of repression again. And that breaks my heart more than not being with him.


  13. Hello,
    I dont know if this is the right place to post this,or there might be another article i havent found yet, but I just wanted to know what your opinnon was of virgins in BDSM. Ive always known there was apart of myself that was very intrested in BDSM since I was 19. Now that im older and and doing more research on sex and the Lifestyle, in general, the way the information is being presented (to me) is that you cannot embrace your Sexual Freak/ enter the BDSM lifestyle without first having sex. I havent seen many articles on the topic and I would very much like to know your opinion.


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