“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her…..at that moment she is never more beautiful to me.” ~ Marquis De Sade
This quote by the Marquis De Sade truly describes what I have always craved to achieve with a loving, long-term relationship with female partner. The question most men struggle to understand is, “How do I achieve this kind of relationship with a woman? I know what I want but how do I get there?”
In line with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Model, I have a theory there is a emotional hierarchy of needs for most women to be able to be sexually uninhibited with a man in a relationship. The basic idea is no woman wants to be a ostracized as a “slut” or “nympho” for her sexual appetite/desires or to be rejected by someone who they love for her sexual appetite, desires, fetishes or fantasies . So women have learned to hide their true sexuality away from friends, family, society and from their partners. At the time, they have within them a highly sexual being they crave to express within the safety of a loving and emotionally safe long-term relationship.
The Hierarchy of Female Emotional Needs:
Starting from Level 1 of the model, each emotional need has to be fulfilled to a degree before the relationship advances to the next higher level. I believe that if men took the time to fulfill all the emotional needs of a female partner, they would be rewarded with uninhibited and meaningful sexual expression by their female partner based on deep intimacy, trust and commitment.
The Recipe for Intimacy
1 – Physical Attraction: Basic sexual attraction is the foundation
2 – Mutual Chemistry: Feeling a mutual attraction and mutual emotional sparks (Chemistry during kissing is the key test)
3 – Trust & Safety: Feeling safe (physically, emotionally, financially) in the care of your partner (Dating Phase)
4 – Emotional Bonding: Feeling a deep emotional attachment to your partner and interest to build a life together (Co-habitation phase with commitment requirements)
5 – Appreciation, Respect & Thoughtfulness: Feeling appreciated for all that you do as a life-partner for your lover (Helping with chores, Making your partner’s life easier during busy day-to-day life)
6 – Feeling Sexy, Beautiful & Desired: Feeling desired as sexual being by your partner (Not a simple feat with kids, work, house to balance as a couple)
7 – Sexual Acceptance and Emotional Safety: Feeling emotionally secure to fully disclose your most intimate or dark desires to your partner without any fear of negative fall-out (rejection, social ridicule, moral outrage, relationship breakup)
8 – Uninhibited Sexual Expression: Feeling secure to be wildly sexual, uninhibited and sexually adventurous
NOTE: This model is not fully applicable to sexual flings/thrill seeking; fuck buddies or friends with benefits relationships because the motivations, emotions and behaviors are significantly different than in a committed relationship. This model is focused specifically on understanding committed long-term relationships because it is the most complex case.
It has been said, “If you want to get your wife in the mood for sex, do the dishes”… One of the major reasons couples don’t have much sex after they have kids is they are physically exhausted from life. This makes sense since most marriage/relationship break down at level 5 when the couple becomes emotionally disconnected with each other…
I am curious, what do you think of this idea/concept. Does this idea make sense based on your own experience as a man or how you feel as a woman?
Please comment “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, follow me on WordPress or Twitter.