I have had numerous novice Doms asking me how I organize, plan and execute a Sensual Domination session for a submissive. First of all, you need to know there is no wrong/right way to do this. It really comes down to you, your sub and what you want to achieve/experience through the session. There is a million ways to achieve your goals during a session so no two session need to be similar. It comes down to how creative you can be.
Listen To You Sub and Learn As A Dom:
First and foremost, to be a good Sensual Dom, listening attentively to what a sub says turns her on and observing very carefully to how her body reacts to specific acts, specific stimulation is key. Those are the “Hot Buttons” that you need to take note of , then push them at the moment you want to ramp things up to the next level during a session or to overwhelm her to push her over the edge. No two women are identical so tailoring a session to arouse her specific darkest desires and sexual triggers is the key to being a great Dom.
One of the most powerful things for a Dom to know is what specifically puts (psychological trigger) his sub into “submissive mode”. It varies greatly between women: your hand on her throat, pulling her head back by her hair, how you intensely stare at her in public, forced oral sex, spanking, your tone of voice, saying specific “hot button phrases” such as “Such a Good Girl” or “Who’s MY naughty girl/beautiful slut?”. All these are powerful psychological triggers that a Dom needs to understand how to use effectively with a specific sub. For additional information on “submission triggers” refer to my earlier article “What Are Your Submission Triggers?” and “Noun Sex: Hot Button Words That Ignite The Submissive Libido”
A Session Framework: Similar To A Basic Script or Screenplay
I follow a basic mental script for most of my sessions – a kind of “Session Framework”, similar to a basic plot outline of a novel from initial plot development to reaching climax then a denouement. I DO NOT literally write out a script for a session but I know many Doms do. I prefer to be more spontaneous based on what is happening in the moment with my sub. A basic “framework” allows me to spontaneously try something new or unplanned in line with the direction of the session, follow the reaction of my sub to a specific sexual act, react to the mood of my sub or the energy in the room. This allows me to be more creative and fluid during a session. It also ensures no two sessions are ever the same. The objective is definitely to “Go with the flow of my sub” during a session.
Technically my sessions start many days in advance of our physical meeting. I will forbid my sub to touch herself sexually for up one week prior to our session. This ensures she is highly sexually charged. At the same time, I will have her develop a special outfit to wear for me at the beginning of our session. Planning her sexy outfit ensures I am arousing her mind for several days as she chooses every sexy accessory. I will flirt with her endlessly via text and email to keep her wet and distracted at work. And I will always allude to a “surprise” I have in store of her during our session. All this ensure her mind and body are thoroughly aroused for many days before I ever touch her.
The start of all my session has lots of slow sensual touching, erotic photo taking, slow sensual kissing and foreplay to make my sub feel very horny, deeply desired, highly aroused and sexually uninhibited. It is deliberately slow and unrushed approached to excite her entire body and arouse her mind thoroughly. A woman is like a sexual slow-cooker – You need to slow raise her to a steady boil to eventually make her overheat.
I will deliberately incorporate specific “hot button” acts that I know put her instantly into “sub mode” – throat fucking, placing my hand on her throat, taking her sexually without speaking a word, hair pulling, staring deep into her eyes, speaking in a slow deliberate manner with a deep tone to my voice.
Now that my submissive is thoroughly mentally and sexually aroused, I want her to cum for me but I am no hurry to reach her first climax. As a rule, a submissive must ALWAYS ask for my permission to cum. Cumming without permission would lead to a hard spanking with a belt, paddle or cane for disobedience. There are many ways a woman can have an orgasm (vaginal, clitoral, G-spot, anal, breast, spanking, mind-gasms) so I will choose one or several of these to focus on during a session. I always want my submissive to experience numerous and multiple orgasms (more than 10) during a session.
As we approach the first climax of a session, I will deny her permission to cum for as long as possible to build up the sexual tension within her entire body then, when she is about to lose complete control over her body, I will immediately force her to have multiple orgasms without a break (works well for multi-orgasmic females, not sure if this technique will work for sub males). I can achieve this because her mind and body are already so intensely aroused for her first orgasms, it is very easy to evoke multiple orgasms by continuing to stimulate her as the first orgasms completes. Immediately, the second orgasmic wave begins to build. By simply continuing stimulation without stopping will evoke many many orgasms in a row. I tend to like to push my submissive as far as she can deal with so 10-20 orgasms are easily achievable.
By pushing her sexual limits well beyond her normal experiences, I immediate build inside a deep sexual craving to experience this again and again.
Subspace is a euphoric state that a submissive experience when endorphins are released in the brain due to intense pain. Orgasm training make the entire nervous system light up like a Christmas tree. This also mean any pain applied AFTER an orgasm feels 20x more intense to the recipient. It also means you don’t need to apply nearly as much physical force to achieve the same pain response as compared to without prior orgasm training.
During the middle of the session, I tend to alternate contrasting stimuli such as intense pleasure and sharp pain, hot/cold, soft/hard, gentle/rough throughout a session to keep her constantly emotionally off-balance and guessing what I will do next. Surprise and fear heightens sexual response. Blindfolds a type of sensory deprivation also heightens sexual response – she cannot anticipate what she cannot see coming. I also tend to layer on additional sources of stimulation (nipple clamps, anal plugs, hair pulling) as the session progresses to make the session increasingly intense.
Subspace training will often make a sub collapse physically and emotionally. Uncontrolled weeping is a very normal response. If you are going to push a submissive to this extreme, you must also be prepared to provide her with Sensual Aftercare so she does not experience severe emotional drop ( sub-drop).
Now that I have completely sexually overwhelmed my submissive, it is when I most want her. I want to ravage her body so violently and intensely that I push her mind over the edge with the sexual intensity. I want her to feel the intensity of my sexual desire as I attempt to literally split her in two with my penis. I want to fuck her literally into oblivion.
The final phase of my session is Sensual Aftercare. I want my sub to feel loved, cherished, loved and desired for her gift of submission. I will always give her some type of sensual reward such as a full body oil massage to soothe her exhausted body and mind then holding her naked body for hours. It is the emotional connection a submissive craves after giving her body to such sexual extreme treatments.
My Sensual Domination Session Framework Summary:
- Pre-foreplay: Taunting & teasing for many days in advance prior to meeting to build up her mental and sexual anticipation
- Foreplay: Lingerie modeling/erotic photo taking, passionate kissing, flirting, touching, petting, oral sex
- Orgasm Training: Various kinds of training to make her cum in different ways (orgasm denial/forced multiple orgasms/orgasm control, clitoral, vaginal, squirting/G-spot, spanking, anal, breast, mindgasms/cum-on-command)
- Subspace Training: Pushing her pain tolerance after multiple orgasms
- Overwhelming Her Sexually: Blowing her mind with an intense sexual experience that layers multiple sexual stimuli simultaneously.
- Intercourse: Reconnect intimately as a Dom/sub.
- Aftercare: Sensual caring of her exhausted body & mind.
That is essentially the basic format of most of my sessions. You need to develop your own “Session Framework” or modify/steal mine to your own needs. I am writing this article to educate novice Doms so plagiarism is allowed and encouraged to shorten your learning curve as a Dom. Take what works for you and discard what does not…
What I do specifically during the session with regards to specific sexual acts, sexual techniques or tools/aids used during a session varies dramatically based on the specific hot buttons of my sub I want to push during a session. For example, I have an upcoming session planned with my sub focused primarily on her breasts play and anal play because I know both are incredible turn on for her specifically. All as extended foreplay leading to really hard fucking doggie sex facing a large mirror as the finale…
Training Objectives: Translating Goals into Session Activities
Here are a few examples of how I turn training goals for a sub into activities during a session.
- Achieving Orgasm Control: To start a session, I may lie on my back on the bed and have my sub lower her pussy to my mouth. As she grabs the headboard and gyrates her hips over my face feverishly as she approached climax, she must first ask permission before she is allowed to cum. I will squeeze her nipples or push down on her butt plug with my free hands to grant permission to cum, otherwise she must keep grinding clit into my mouth without cumming. She knows that misbehaving or ignoring my wishes for her own pleasure has serious ramifications because subspace training immediately follows orgasms control training where I can administer a very severe punishment for disobedience.
- Achieving Subspace: From session to session, I slowly increase the number of spankings she will receive during a session in sets of 10-spanking increments so her pain tolerance gradually increases with each session. It also allows her to slowly experience each emotional and physical barrier she will face as she approaches subspace such as suddenly weeping uncontrollably, pushing through a pain barrier, feeling the disorienting euphoria of subspace. Giving multiple orgasms BEFORE spanking/flogging makes achieving subspace much easier since the nervous system is highly activated after orgasms. Spanking after orgasms evokes a heightened pain response with much less force required. I like to twirl her hair into a ponytail then yank her head back roughly by her hair before spanking. This ensures she is in the right submissive mind space for her training and it is also a huge turn on for most sub women. Pulling hair evokes an enhanced sexual response in most women.
- Overwhelm Her Sexually: One of the key objectives of Domination by Pleasure is to overwhelm a sub sexually. The goal is to give a sub a sexual experience so intense that it will be permanently etched on her mind and to create a sexual addiction to this intense orgasmic high. I always try to find different ways to stimulate all her erogenous zones at the same time as we approach the climax of a session – slowly adding new layers of stimulation as the session progresses. I want my sub to have to deal with multiple sexual stimuli all at once (nipples, pussy, clit, G-spot, ass, hair/scalp, neck). I also spank a sub’s ass very hard during the session so she must deal with intense pleasure and pain during passionate intercourse to push her over the edge at the finale of a session.
- Achieving Breast Orgasms: As part on our foreplay, I have my sub rest her bare pussy on my bare thigh facing me as I sit in a chair or couch. I grasp her breast with both hands. As I suck, lick and nibble on her nipple, she slowly grinds her pussy and clit against my thigh until she achieves orgasm. With time, we will remove the physical contact with her clit as she becomes more sexually responsive to just breast stimulation.
- Achieving Spanking Orgasms: During subspace training, we place pillows under her hips to raise her ass in the air then place a wand vibe on the pillows and against her clit so she can grind on the vibe while she is being spanked. I want her to link cumming with spanking. Eventually we will remove the vibe and leave only the spanking stimuli. In addition, I have placed Ben Wa Balls inside the pussy of a submissive then bent her over for a spanking. As I spank her harder and harder, the Ben Wa Balls strike the G-spot with increasing force, causing her to eventually squirt.
- Achieving Cum-on-Command: The first steps in Cum-on-Command training is teaching a sub to recognize her state of arousal and then to control it. I use a simple 3-2-1 scale for a sub to classify her state of arousal: “3” means you are aroused, “2” means highly aroused / close to orgasm and “1” means orgasm imminent. By making a sub tell me out loud her state of arousal throughout a session and making her ask permission to cum, forces her to be both aware of state of arousal and to be able to control it.
I hope this article helps you define your own BDSM style in Sensual Domination. I hope this article resonates with new sub and Doms who are looking for an alternative to the “Pain is Pleasure” mantra of most of BDSM practitioners.
If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment for me. I always look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. Please feel free comment or “LIKE” or “SHARE” this article. If you want to stay informed of future writings, please subscribe to email notifications or Twitter updates.