Immense trust is the foundation of a Dom/sub relationship. What most people don’t fully realize is that a D/s relationship requires much more trust than any vanilla sexual relationship because a woman is putting her physical & mental safety in the hands of a Dom. Hence the emotional intimacy of a D/s relationship is also much deeper and intense as well.
A good Sensual Dominant cherishes and loves his sub for “Her Gift” of submission. Through great faith and trust in a Dom, a submissive gives over full control over her body and mind… A Dom does not seize or coerce that submission. It is a decision of free will that a sub chooses who she will hand over control for a period of time (play session or evening or week).
And after the intensity of a long and/or rough play session, a compassionate Sensual Dom needs to show a sub a great deal of appreciation and affection for her immense trust and for her gift of submission through sensual “aftercare” to soothe her exhausted body and mind. It is not uncommon for a sub to weep intensely or need to be held for long periods of time after an intense session. Aftercare is how we rejuvenate the emotionally exhaustion of a sub and strengthen the emotional bonds between Dom and sub.
Examples of Sensual Aftercare:
- cuddling/spooning a sub after a session
- cleaning her entire body with a warm, moist towel
- shaving her legs, pussy or entire body
- drawing a soothing bath (Not recommended if skin is broken from rough play)
- washing her hair, massaging her scalp or brushing her hair
- a foot massage, back massage or full-body massage using scented oils
These acts are all deeply intimate and caring acts which are intended to make a sub feel cherished and appreciated. Without aftercare, sub can feel emotionally empty, lonely and sexually used as she comes down from a session which is destructive to a long-term relationship and the emotional well-being of a loving sub.
Also notice that all these aftercare methods involve a great deal of touch. Touch is how we bond emotionally as humans. It is why hold babies to our bare skin as parents – to help them emotional bond with us. It also how we convey empathy for another person. It is nurturing. Simple skin on skin contact calms another person emotionally.
Important Caveats About Aftercare:
- It goes without saying that all subs are unique and the role of a Dom is know what and when she specifically needs. It is also worth noting that some subs DO NOT want to be touched after play because they far are too hyper-sensitive. They prefer to come down from a session without any physical contact. Some subs need a cooling off period after play before they want aftercare. Some subs only want to talk or water/snack or a smoke… It all depends on the specific sub and the specific session.
- Some subs find aftercare putting off. They would become upset with their Dom if they gave them aftercare because they crave the physical abuse and emotional emptiness. (i.e. Emotional Masochists)
- Some Doms would never consider giving any kind of aftercare because it may make them appear weak or soft as a Dom. They feel leaving a sub a quivering mess is what she came for as part of the experience. (i.e. Sadists)
- The BDSM world is incredibly broad so there is many different ways to experience BDSM. There is no one right way to do BDSM… Find what you like/need and do it – that is the right BDSM for you…
Does this article change your understanding of the nature of D/s relationships?
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