Aftercare: Rewarding the Gift of Submission

Immense trust is the foundation of a Dom/sub relationship. What most people don’t fully realize is that a D/s relationship requires much more trust than any vanilla sexual relationship because a woman is putting her physical & mental safety in the hands of a Dom. Hence the emotional intimacy of a D/s relationship is also much deeper and intense as well.

Rewarding the Gift of Submission

Rewarding the Gift of Submission

A good Sensual Dominant cherishes and loves his sub for “Her Gift” of submission. Through great faith and trust in a Dom, a submissive gives over full control over her body and mind… A Dom does not seize or coerce that submission. It is a decision of free will that a sub chooses who she will hand over control for a period of time (play session or evening or week).

And after the intensity of a long and/or rough play session, a compassionate Sensual Dom needs to show a sub a great deal of appreciation and affection for her immense trust and for her gift of submission through sensual “aftercare” to soothe her exhausted body and mind. It is not uncommon for a sub to weep intensely or need to be held for long periods of time after an intense session. Aftercare is how we rejuvenate the emotionally exhaustion of a sub and strengthen the emotional bonds between Dom and sub.

Examples of Sensual Aftercare:

  • cuddling/spooning a sub after a session
  • cleaning her entire body with a warm, moist towel
  • shaving her legs, pussy or entire body
  • drawing a soothing bath (Not recommended if skin is broken from rough play)
  • washing her hair, massaging her scalp or brushing her hair
  • a foot massage, back massage or full-body massage using scented oils

These acts are all deeply intimate and caring acts which are intended to make a sub feel cherished and appreciated. Without aftercare, sub can feel emotionally empty, lonely and sexually used as she comes down from a session which is destructive to a long-term relationship and the emotional well-being of a loving sub.

Also notice that all these aftercare methods involve a great deal of touch. Touch is how we bond emotionally as humans. It is why hold babies to our bare skin as parents – to help them emotional bond with us. It also how we convey empathy for another person. It is nurturing. Simple skin on skin contact calms another person emotionally.

Important Caveats About Aftercare:

  • It goes without saying that all subs are unique and the role of a Dom is know what and when she specifically needs. It is also worth noting that some subs DO NOT want to be touched after play because they far are too hyper-sensitive. They prefer to come down from a session without any physical contact. Some subs need a cooling off period after play before they want aftercare. Some subs only want to talk or water/snack or a smoke… It all depends on the specific sub and the specific session.
  • Some subs find aftercare putting off. They would become upset with their Dom if they gave them aftercare because they crave the physical abuse and emotional emptiness. (i.e. Emotional Masochists)
  • Some Doms would never consider giving any kind of aftercare because it may make them appear weak or soft as a Dom. They feel leaving a sub a quivering mess is what she came for as part of the experience. (i.e. Sadists)
  • The BDSM world is incredibly broad so there is many different ways to experience BDSM. There is no one right way to do BDSM… Find what you like/need and do it – that is the right BDSM for you…

Does this article change your understanding of the nature of D/s relationships?

Please comment or “LIKE” or “SHARE” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment for me. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, please subscribe to email notifications or Twitter.


7 comments on “Aftercare: Rewarding the Gift of Submission

  1. Pingback: Rewarding the Gift of Submission… | DominantSoul

  2. Pingback: How to Care for Bruises and More BDSM Play Recovery Tips | Submissive Guide

  3. I’m unsure how to say/explain this. However, I think it’s something you’d like to know.. for science. =)

    Early in the vanilla relationship I am in, I had an orgasm that was so intense that I was in tears. I was absolutely a bundle of emotion raw, open and flying. However, It scared the shit out of me. The guy, now my husband, didn’t know what had happened. I felt so afraid. Sometimes I feel like that moment messed something up. I know that strong orgasms can frighten me. Also, I know that if I’m falling he’s not going to catch me. Of course, that isn’t his fault. He was clueless as to what happened. Anyway, I just wanted to share that.. I wish that it had happened with someone who knew, and would have been there for me instead of me finding fear in that moment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Don’t be upset with him or yourself. Sexual inexperience is a plague for everyone. The only cure is experience and knowledge. Since every woman is unique, how could ever be prepared to be woman with such intense Orgasm beforehand?


  4. I’m very much enjoying your posts in general, so beautifully written and informative, but this one is particularly relevant to me at present.
    I had my first session with my Master a couple of weeks ago. We spent an afternoon and night at a hotel; it was everything I could have wanted my first time with him to be. He dropped me home the following morning and I’d known for weeks that he had to be somewhere that day and we wouldn’t be able to communicate and I had been fine with that. Fast forward to twelve hours later when I’m lying in the bath sobbing.
    My subdrop lasted around a week; my anger and frustration made my behaviour dreadful, I started upon a very dangerous path and although he tried to warn me, I couldn’t see the truth in what he was saying.
    I had a lot of amends to make with my Master. We have resolved the issues that I created and I will be seeing him in person early next week. I am acutely aware that there will be a price to pay still.
    The point of this is that I need to find a way to deal with my subdrop in a healthy manner. I’m hoping that now I’m aware that there is such a thing, that I will be able to see my symptoms for what they are, but it does worry me, not for my sake, for his.
    Any advice you can give would be very gratefully received.

    Liked by 3 people

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