Do You Attract The Wrong Kind of Men?

Dominant vs. Domineering Men…

I believe sexy is an attitude, not a dress size. I believe all women can be sexy. It is the presence that a woman projects when she carries herself into a room. Confidence is the raw essence of sexy – it is the raw energy that draws people to you… The challenge for women who are sexy and confident is what kind of man can handle being with them.

Actress Jenny McCarthy

Actress Jenny McCarthy

For most sexy, confident women, men who are intimidated by them are non-starters. They lack the sexual confidence to be attractive, interesting or alluring. Often these men will also naturally be submissive to a confident woman. However, the opposite can be very attractive to a confident woman – a confident man who chooses to be submissive to her (Domme/sub).

There are two other types of men who pursue confident women aggressively and they often appear very similar to each other but are quite different psychologically: Dominant (self-confident) vs. Domineering (controlling, manipulating, bullying). The purpose of this article is to give women the tools to be able to discern the differences and make better choices for their sexual partners.

You would think that most men would want sexy, confident women as partners. The real problem for confident sexy women is that most men cannot handle having a sexy confident woman once they win them over. They constantly fear they will eventually lose this sexy, highly sexual woman to another man – many male sexual insecurities kick in! In the end, most men fear they cannot satisfy the needs of a highly confident, highly sexual woman or stop the constant advances of other men upon a beautiful partner when they are not around.

Domineering men often view women as possession not partners/equals. Domineering personalities tend to be possessive, paranoid, highly jealous and controlling. As a coping strategy, domineering men tend to emotionally belittle, physically isolated or financially control women as ways of keeping their beautiful, sexy partners under their emotional control and keep them less sexually empowered.

How Domineering men emotionally control women (Physically, Emotionally, Financially, Sexually):

  • No wife of mine is going to the wedding dressed in that dress! You look like a two-dollar whore…
  • There is no need to change your hair. The old hairstyle looked fine.
  • The one-piece swimsuit is more respectable for the pool party
  • I thought you’ve been going to the gym regularly. You look like you gained some weight.
  • Why do you spend so much money on shoes and going to the spa constantly?
  • You need to see the doctor because I think you are a “nymphomaniac”!
  • You are running up huge phone bills calling your mom, sisters and friends all the time. You cannot keep wasting all this money gabbing!

I believe a highly confident, highly sexual woman can only find lasting happiness with a partner who actually encourages their sexuality rather than being intimidated or threatened by her sexuality. She needs a man who is even more sexually confident than herself.

I love when a woman tells me that they intimidate most other men. It instantly tells me this woman is likely very confident, intelligent, successful and very sexual (Woohoo!).

As a Dominant male, I am very self-confident. I crave women who can turn heads with their beauty and their brains. I crave a confident, intelligent, successful partner who turns heads and hold her own in a professional or public setting. At the same time, I am very proud of the sexy, feminine woman who is my partner. So, I actually want to show off my sexy, confident partner in the hottest dress and the sexiest shoes. I want her to feel beautiful, sexy, desired and cherished. I want every man in the room to turn, to drool over her and to crave her because I know she is leaving with me. I want men to tell her she looks really sexy tonight because that makes her feel amazing as a woman. I have no fear she is leaving me for another man EVER… That is the difference between a Dominant and a Domineering mindset.

The purpose of this article is to help women differentiate the different kinds of men and why they may keep selecting the same kinds of men over and over. This is not intended a promotional article for Dominant men.

Please comment or “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, please subscribe to email alerts or twitter.


21 comments on “Do You Attract The Wrong Kind of Men?

  1. Just found your blog looking for some novice information on dominant/submissive relationships. I initally thought it was just sexy role play for me but between this article and the one on Alpha submissives, suddenly my whole romantic life/train wreck is extremely clear to me. Thank you.


  2. I experienced this first hand and I found that a man who treats me like I am his equal and valued gives me far greater confidence than a man who thinks his value is increased just by a peace of eye candy on his arm who should not talk or have an opinion


  3. Don’t both perspectives reveal how men don’t view women as humans but as possessions?
    You want her to look good, so you look good, or you want her to look conservative, so others don’t look at her. Women (and men) are humans, and won’t always look like they stepped off a red carpet.
    Personally, I’d rather look sexy than conservative for a date night, but either way, men seem to view women in a possessive and dehumanizing manner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree. A domineering man can definitely have the mindset of the “dominant” man when it comes to how she’s dressed and how she’s perceived. It’s in the pimp’s handbook actually.

      That said, unlike the “domineering” man description, the description of what the “dominant” man craves doesn’t necessitate an abuser. I’m just saying, shouldn’t put down all the flags yet. It’s okay if he’s turned on by you being the hottest woman at the party and owning it, but another if he expects that of you, makes you feel ashamed if you aren’t, or is upset that you’re not meeting his “cravings”.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I like this article very much. I was very confident when I got married. My husband is very attentive and liked to show me off but he also is controlling and does not let me have a say in our financial affairs and is irresponsible in so many ways it is panic attack enducing. (I don’t suffer from panic attacks, but if I did, it would be enough to take me there.) He also does not like me to cheer or “coach from the stands” at sports events and things like that where I have an opportunity to voice my opinion. Usually, my doing so, (i.e. “cheering and coaching from the stands”) does draw some attention but usually people begin conversating with me as a result, not thinking I am weird. But my husband constantly makes faces at me and tells me to hush and acts so embarrased… People also approach me at lots of other social occassions and my husband will later make a comment that implies or flat out states that I need to keep my mouth shut. But no one else seems to be irritated. Women and men both like to talk to me and I am very careful with social graces by letting everyone in the group talk, sympathizing, actively listening, verbally relating, answering their questions, direct eye contact, shaking hands, etc., etc. Is that domineering of him? He loves to show me off as long as I am just a pretty face without talking, which I consider to be rude and unkind behavior in social settings. I make lots of friends wherever I go (men and women) and have been told I am fun to be around and an awesome listener and friend. So is it me or is he domineering?


  5. sometimes i thought i thought i was crazy that i liked showing off my women when she looked sexy and the sexier the more i liked it guys come over stare at her ample boobs i love it i thought i had crossed wires but she is with me love it allways felt this way with others as well its fun to show her off and watch her shine like a star its very rewarding when you react oppisite from most men they will love you harder and deeper it builds trust and respect not that at times i dont think well maybe she is doing something but i just dissmiss it and think well she is still here why bother entertaining what you cant control any way better to live in love if she does me wrongthen move on its that simple

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Dominant Soul: Blog recommendation – A life in the shadows

    • Oops crap sorry, kids😅
      Reading this article put some peices to the puzzle for me. I’m a submissive very new to exploring even. I always knew I’m a sub, even when I was a little girl I may have not understood but looking back I see it like a neon sign.
      My now ex husband is definitely of the Domineering sort though at the time i wasnt aware there was a difference. I had told him i was kinky and he seemed to like that..until i wanted to explore fantasies. So for 5 long years I Suppressed the peice of myself. Now granted I did not leave due to that issue, now that I’m single again and able to really figure this out I see how it is an essential part of who I am.
      After multiple failed attempts of finding a dom, I seemed to have found someone who is willing to guide me. Help me explore what I see as amazing, and help me experience to see if I still feel the same way. But your blog is definitely a helpful guide that I wished I had stumbled before all my failed attempts.


  7. Finally figured this out!
    I have been attracting domineering men my whole life yet in business I am so good at spotting and eliminating them.
    It’s only this year I finally saw my trusting nature & people pleasing in my personal life caused the problem.
    I raised the bar and have applied all the vetting I use in my work life to my personal life with miraculous results!
    Thank you 🌸


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