What is Sensual Domination? It’s Seduction, Not Aggression…
I had an interesting question from a young 26 y/o Dom today. He asked,
Do you use strong language or speak aggressively to express your dominance?
This is such a great question because it highlights many confused misconceptions about the nature of BDSM & Dominance, especially as it applies to Sensual Domination. As a Dominant, you should NEVER need to act aggressively or raise your voice to a woman. Dominance is about exuding calm, confidence not domineering aggression, intimidation or control.
Deep trust is the foundation to a D/s relationship…
You are not trying to control a woman. You are trying to seduce her mind. To further understand the difference between Domineering and Dominance.
There are three key factors a Dom must inspire within submissive to be successful:
1) Inspiring Trust & Safety
The primary role of a Dominant is to ensure a submissive’s physical and emotional safety during a session. A submissive must feel safe enough to give over full control over her body and mind. A person who makes her fearful, nervous, threatened or pressured cannot achieve the primary requirement of a Dominant to inspire her sense of safety & trust.
That is not to say play with your Dom cannot be wild, rough and edgy because I also like my play a little rough and primal – hand on the throat, hair pulling, pinned up against a wall. But the difference is you have established a foundation of trust and established limits of your rough play based on that trust with your Dom as opposed to a complete stranger you are meeting for the very first time in person who makes you feel edgy.
If any man claiming to be a “Dom” makes any submissive feel nervous, fearful, pressured or on edge, I would advise that submissive to calmly excuse herself to use the washroom and then make a direct line to the nearest exit and never look back. The voice you are hearing inside your head is millions of years of evolutionary instincts trying to keep you safe. ALWAYS listen to that voice.
2) Inspiring Confidence
Confidence is the calm, in control energy we exude that draws people to us and makes other people want to follow us. A Dom must exude confidence for a submissive to want to hand over control to him.
Inspiring Confidence:
- Put her at ease
- Be friendly & relaxed
- Speak slowly & calmly
- Maintain eye contact & smile
- Ask a submissive about her limits, concerns, experiences and desires.
- Speak intelligently about your domination style, interests, and kinks
3) Seducing Her Mind
A submissive chooses as her Dominant who she wants to give control over of her body and mind… So you must be able to seduce her mind and inspire her body. Seduce the mind first, then the body follows eagerly…
Confidence is the essence of sexy. You cannot lack confidence and also be sexy to the opposite sex. I have written many articles about the various aspect of the art of seduction. They all come into play in seducing the mind but confidence in the foundation of it all. Being able to read body language and being able to respond to those subconscious cues is a key requirement.
* Eye contact
* Body language
* Being bold and suggestive
* Flirting is the key…
My favourite flirty ice-breaker:
In my experience, even good girls like to be spanked from time to time…
If you can deliver that simple line while maintaining eye contact with a naughty smile, you will immediately see the conversation change direction – it will become more intimate, sexual and flirty. Her reaction to that line will tell you so much about who she really is as a woman.
I hope this helps Novice Doms to understand the essence of Sensual Domination and it clears up any misconceptions about being Dominant.
Related Articles:
To fully understand the nature of a sensual Dominant / submissive relationship, you must understand the psychology and what it expected from a Sensual Dominant – refer to the following articles:
- “Building Her Up!: Nurturing A Confident, Vivacious Submissive” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/building-her-up/
- “Pre-Foreplay: Arouse the Mind First, The Body Follows Eagerly” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/pre-foreplay/
- “Noun Sex: “Hot Button” Words That Ignite Your Libido” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/noun-sex/
- “Licking Your Brain: The Art of Talking Dirty” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/the-art-of-talking-dirty/
- “Masculine Hand on a Feminine Throat: A Universal Turn-on?” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/masculine-hand-on-feminine-throat/
- “Submissive Motivation: Why Do You Submit?” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/why-do-you-submit/
- “Switching IntoPlease comment or “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, drop me a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. “sub mode”: What Are Your Submissive Triggers?” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/what-are-your-submissive-triggers/
~DominantSoul
DominantSoul 
Thank you so much for this article. It couldn’t have been timed more perfectly. I keep freezing up with my male friend. I’m finally realizing that for me if I’m not mentally in it my body won’t follow. I’m so much in my head that if he can’t seduce me out of it my body won’t accept any pleasure he is giving physically. I thought there was something wrong me. I know I have my issues of trust, etc but am finally understanding how important my mind is in the scheme of things.
Thanks again!
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Blissfullyme,
I am deeply gratified to hear my writings helped you in a small way to understand your sexuality.
DS
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Thank you so much for this article – you describe everything just perfect! I enjoy your writings so much and you have helped me to understand more of my submissive side. Praying that I will meet a man like you!
Best wishes from Norway
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I often visit Stockholm on business
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I think I should be in Stockholm next time you are there…
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What emotions does a dom experience when dominating a sub? when inflicting pain to a sub?
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I cannot speak for all Doms; only myself. Iam Sensual Dominant, not a Sadist.
When I spank a submissive, I feel deep love and devotion…
A Dominant is not inflicting pain. He is shaping/training his submissive. I use pleasure and pain as tools to give my submissive a mind-blowing sexual and emotional experience, like a roller-coaster that keeps her constantly guessing what I will do next…
My greatest joy as a Dom is to blow the mind of my submissive… Seeing her soaked in sweat, completely exhausted and quivering from multiple orgasms. That is my greatest reward…
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I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. BDSM calls to me, I feel it getting under my skin but I struggle to understand why and what it means to me. I’m trying to bring my husband on this adventure with me and I have encouraged him to look at your blog. Again, I’m grateful for you patience with the questions I ask.
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I have to say I have learned a lot about myself in the last two hours ( just reading your material) that I’ve wanted to know for years. I’m young but I’ve always known there was something different about myself . I realized I have been put in the wrong place by too many domineering( we will just call those douchebags) men, without real knowledge of a dominant confident man. Yesterday I met him, he literally startled me, he knows what he’s doing and it’s ridiculous, on a completely fantastic level, how incredibly sexy it is.
I am an alpha in the real world, but I am an untrained submissive behind closed doors or from the parallel universes that are not in this realm.
He thought I was vanilla, I am far from it, he is pleased with me and sees potential in me. But he also called me unpolished, sloppy and unused. I got sassy and told him to find a new word other than sloppy because no one calls me sloppy, which I still feel that way. But I will still be getting my first spanking from him( I hope today.) I also apologized for embarrassing him.
I want him, and I want to do what he asks of me. But how do you get rid of those stirring feelings?
Because I’ve never had anyone like him, I am deeply infatuated, he could bend me like putty, but still I have a silver tongue. What would you suggest I do to get rid of that? Physical pain won’t make me respond, I like it. So I’ve been trying to figure out what he could say to me that will make me bend for him. I’m afraid it may take me awhile to fully relinquish but I will.
I will for him.
Long post, but, two more things ?
How do I ask him what he would like for me to call him?
And do dominants often choose different partners frequently or do they like to keep the same one, if they only have one?
-thank you.
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1) This is one way he will make you bend…
2) Just ask him what he prefers to be called. It is simplest. Most Doms choose Sir or Master or Daddy.
3) Many Doms choose to have more than one sub. However, I think have a committed relationship with a single sub creates a much deeper emotional connection. Read these articles:
DS
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Oh, I’m resurrecting this comment thread hard. Thank you so much for all your work here! I’m really impressed that everything you’ve written is so very spot on. This is helping me lots.
To my question! I just started with a brand new play partner, friend of over a decade. He’s tons more experienced than I am, (and I’m not exactly new here.) But I do feel like I’ve got some catching up to do! 🙂 So, (sorry I don’t remember which post) I read a statement, iirc, along the lines of ‘dominant energy is calm and assertive’. So accurate.
And I wanted to know the sub counterpart but haven’t worked it out. What would you say? “expressive and receptive”? “free and willing”? I don’t know! I appreciate your thoughts 🙂
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Interesting question:
The reason reason a Dominant needs to exude calm confidence is to inspire trust and confidence in a sub in order for her to willingly hand over control of her body and mind.
I believe the sub counterpart is free and willing to be led.
Ds
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Love your blog SO much! It’s been so helpful in so many ways, you don’t even know. You are one of a kind and a true treasure. Thank you!
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You are most welcome
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