What is Domination? It’s Seduction, Not Aggression…
I had an interesting question from a young 26 y/o Dom today. He asked,
Do you use strong language or speak aggressively to express your dominance?
This is such a great question because it highlights many confused misconceptions about the nature of BDSM & Dominance, especially as it applies to Sensual Domination. As a Dominant, you should NEVER need to act aggressively or raise your voice to a woman. Dominance is about exuding calm, confidence not domineering aggression, intimidation or control.
You are not trying to control a woman. You are trying to seduce her mind. To further understand the difference between Domineering and Dominance.
There are three key factors a Dom must inspire within submissive to be successful:
1) Inspiring Trust & Safety
The primary role of a Dominant is to ensure a submissive’s physical and emotional safety during a session. A submissive must feel safe enough to give over full control over her body and mind. A person who makes her fearful, nervous, threatened or pressured cannot achieve the primary requirement of a Dominant to inspire her sense of safety & trust.
That is not to say play with your Dom cannot be wild, rough and edgy because I also like my play a little rough and primal – hand on the throat, hair pulling, pinned up against a wall. But the difference is you have established a foundation of trust and established limits of your rough play based on that trust with your Dom as opposed to a complete stranger you are meeting for the very first time in person who makes you feel edgy.
If any man claiming to be a “Dom” makes any submissive feel nervous, fearful, pressured or on edge, I would advise that submissive to calmly excuse herself to use the washroom and then make a direct line to the nearest exit and never look back. The voice you are hearing inside your head is millions of years of evolutionary instincts trying to keep you safe. ALWAYS listen to that voice.
2) Inspiring Confidence
Confidence is the calm, in control energy we exude that draws people to us and makes other people want to follow us. A Dom must exude confidence for a submissive to want to hand over control to him.
- Put her at ease
- Be friendly & relaxed
- Speak slowly & calmly
- Maintain eye contact & smile
- Ask a submissive about her limits, concerns, experiences and desires.
- Speak intelligently about your domination style, interests, and kinks
3) Seducing Her Mind
A submissive chooses as her Dominant who she wants to give control over of her body and mind… So you must be able to seduce her mind and inspire her body. Seduce the mind first, then the body follows eagerly…
Confidence is the essence of sexy. You cannot lack confidence and also be sexy to the opposite sex. I have written many articles about the various aspect of the art of seduction. They all come into play in seducing the mind but confidence in the foundation of it all. Being able to read body language and being able to respond to those subconscious cues is a key requirement.
* Eye contact
* Body language
* Being bold and suggestive
* Flirting is the key…
My favourite flirty ice-breaker:
In my experience, even good girls like to be spanked from time to time…
If you can deliver that simple line while maintaining eye contact with a naughty smile, you will immediately see the conversation change direction – it will become more intimate, sexual and flirty. Her reaction to that line will tell you so much about who she really is as a woman.
I hope this helps Novice Doms to understand the essence of Sensual Domination and it clears up any misconceptions about being Dominant.
To fully understand the nature of a sensual Dominant / submissive relationship, you must understand the psychology and what it expected from a Sensual Dominant – refer to the following articles:
- “Building Her Up!: Nurturing A Confident, Vivacious Submissive” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/building-her-up/
- “Pre-Foreplay: Arouse the Mind First, The Body Follows Eagerly” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/pre-foreplay/
- “Noun Sex: “Hot Button” Words That Ignite Your Libido” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/noun-sex/
- “Licking Your Brain: The Art of Talking Dirty” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/the-art-of-talking-dirty/
- “Masculine Hand on a Feminine Throat: A Universal Turn-on?” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/masculine-hand-on-feminine-throat/
- “Submissive Motivation: Why Do You Submit?” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/why-do-you-submit/
- “Switching Into “sub mode”: What Are Your Submissive Triggers?” https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/psychology-of-submission/what-are-your-submissive-triggers/
Please comment or “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, drop me a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people.