A submissive is a woman who, of her own free will, give over full control of her body, mind and soul. To be a good Dominant, you need to thoroughly understand the emotional motivations of a submissive. The following list is a aggregation of all the different motivations I have observed by female submissives.
The Reasons A Submissives Submits:
- Mental & Emotional Escape: Many of my subs are Alpha Females (executive, lawyers, doctors, politicians, Supermoms’) who are highly intelligent, driven, successful, and confident. They generally intimidate most other men. They lead incredibly demanding public lives but they crave to escape to a place where they have no control and they have no decision making requirements in their sex lives.
- Being Devoured & Unleashing Dark Passions: Deep inside them, they have craved to just be devoured and consumed by a bold, confident Dominant man without being asked. It is often a deep sexual craving they have for most of their adult lives. Being devoured sexually unleashes passions deep inside them and makes them feel incredibly sexual, highly desired, deeply feminine and incredibly aroused.
- Deep Trust & Intimacy: I give my subs a safe emotional/sexual sanctuary. They show me a deeply intimate part of themselves that they have usually never shown any other man, even their former husbands and boyfriends. They know they are emotionally safe to be completely “naked” with me knowing they are unconditionally accepted for their desires, kinks and fantasies. They also know that any desire or fantasy can be realized with me without any judgment, ridicule, criticism or rejection. We share a journey of deep intimacy to places they won’t likely travel to with other men.
- Pleasing & Servicing Other’s Needs: Most subs are pleasers by nature and by their upbringing. There is a deep sense of accomplishment and self-worth that comes from meeting the needs of others for them. Sexually and non-sexually pleasing a Dominant give them a great sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
- Danger, Uncertainty & Mindfucks: Part of not having control is also not knowing what will happen next. A sub never can be truly prepared for any session because they have no idea where this journey will take them. Uncertainty and danger, places the mind in a hyper-vigilant state due to our natural Fight-Flight response. By keeping a sub blindfolded and constantly off-balance regarding what will happen next extends that heightened state. It is why contrasting stimuli are so powerful (silence/loud, soft/hard, hot/cold, fast/slow, painful/gentle) to mindfuck a sub. The sexual release when in a heightened state of danger or surprise is significantly more powerful.
- He is Your One: This is how an anonymous sub described her submission in a private email to me, “He is my heart divorced from my body. What I do for Him I would not do for any other soul. He often remarks that He has yet to find the thing I will not do for Him. I kneel in supplication because it honors Him. There is no way I can ever repay Him for making me whole. Instead, I give Him all of myself. There is no part that I do not offer to Him. I am not a masochist. I know he enjoys inflicting pain. I give this to Him. My tears are part of my service. I endure, comforted in the knowledge that He would never harm me.”
But then it made me stop and think about the bigger picture… Do I truly understand the whole picture from a various sub’s perspectives? Why do other subs submit? Are there different motivations if you are masochist vs. a sensual sub? Please comment…
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