Alpha Female & Submissive Vixen: Two Sides of One Coin…

Are You An Alpha Submissive?

In my experience, Alpha Females and submissive vixens are often two sides of the same strong woman: one public side, one private side. I have discovered that many women who are Alpha Females professionally by day (Executives, Doctors, Lawyers, Entrepreneurs, Supermoms) often crave to be submissive vixens in the bedroom.

Such a Good Girl...

Such a Good Girl…

To be clear, I am NOT saying that ALL Alpha Females are also submissives. I am saying there seems to be a specific psychological profile which makes Alpha Female/submissive a common archetype among women. I refer to these women as “Feminist Contradictions”- Successful, strong, independent women publicly who crave to be highly feminine & highly sexually submissive privately. I describe them as “Feminist Contradictions” because most men view them as a confusing persona/sexual contradiction that most men cannot comprehend or decipher. In reality, they are Alpha Females/Submissive or Alpha submissives – a submissive female to only one Alpha male while being dominant over all others.

Many women are submissive by choice or by natural yearning. Alpha submissives crave to relinquish control to a strong, confident Dom by nature as part of their need for mental & sexual escape from their everyday in control persona. Not being in control is a relief from constant decision making / being in charge during their busy, stressful daily lives. I believe most people don’t understand that submission is partially an act of escapism from their own public personas.

Alpha Females are by nature an incredible package of qualities and abilities: Self-confidence, Intelligence, Success, Wealth, and Style. Most men cannot handle being with a woman like that. They either feel inadequate as men or they feel uncomfortable never being the center of attention. It takes real confidence as a man to be with an Alpha Female.

It is also why these Alpha submissives can only be attracted to strong, powerful, confident Alpha Male. Weak, meek men do not attract them. Often submissive men misinterpret the public Alpha Female persona as these Alpha submissive females’ sexual persona. Men misread these women thus wanting these Alpha subs to dominate them sexually in private – complete incompatibility. A strong decisive, confident man truly arouses their feminine senses. An Alpha submissive can only submit to a man she feels is even more confident and Dominant than her public persona – respect and trust are key requirements.

Unfortunately, Alpha submissives often cannot discern between Dominant men and Domineering men in their relationships.

What confuses most men is there is a contradiction in behavior that these women want from their male partners: Gentleman in public, Caveman in the bedroom. Men are quite simple creatures really. Most men think if women want a polite, considerate gentleman in public, they must want a polite, considerate gentleman in the bedroom too. Secondly, society & feminism has robbed many men of their natural baser instincts. Being a good husband/father by society’s standards has feminized many men into minivan driving, cargo shorts wearing drones of suburbia. So for a Alpha submissive to find a man who is very self-confident and encouraging/supporting of her career while being sexually Dominant in the bedroom is no simple task.

One of the most consistent way I have found to identify Alpha submissive females in public or on a date is they often say , “I intimidate most men I meet”. To confirm my initial suspicions, I often make a bold flirtatious statement during our conversation and then gauge her reaction to a statement such as. “Yes, but even good girls need a good spanking on occasion”. Her inner vixen will naturally reveal itself. By being bold and seizing what you desire sexually in private from this kind of Alpha Female, it is a sure-fire recipe of turning her into her naughty submissive vixen alter ego. It instantly turns on every single Alpha sub I have ever been with.

For example: Two years ago I dated a sexy, petite, highly successful female divorce lawyer who told me during our first meeting for cocktails, she intimidates most men she meets (my big hint about who she really was). I openly laughed at the idea which annoyed her a little. I smiled and said, ‘You are 5’ 1″ and 110 lbs. soaking wet, what’s so scary about you?”. We had intense sexual chemistry every time we met for dinner. Her incredibly sensual & passionate sensual kisses left few doubts in my mind about her true emotions for me but we had agreed to try to go slow to get to know each other first before being intimate with each other – No sex until after 5 dates was the plan.

On our fourth date we had gone to a lovely Christmas party with her friends and afterwards we went back to her house. While we kissed passionately in her foyer, When I slowly slid my left hand onto her throat and I kissed my way up her neck then whispered in her ear what I plan to do to her. I felt her entire body go limp in my arms. I told her I knew instantly who she really was sexually then her eyes grew really wide. She immediately took my hand and led me to her bedroom. I slowly unzipped her dress and lovingly kissed and caressed her exposed body which gave her goose bumps everywhere. She looked stunning in just black push-up bra and sheer black panties.

She pretended to play shy or coy when I tried to remove her bra… So I gently placed my left hand softly on her throat again, turned her face down on the bed and ripped down her panties to expose her ass. I then command her to count out loud to 10 as I spanked her ass harshly with each number she spoke. When I was finished spanking her, I said in a deep, slow commanding voice, “Who is my dirty little slut?” She said sheepishly, “I am”. “Do you give your body, mind and soul to me to do as I desire?”… “I do”… After that, it was all systems go for a wild night of passion together…

What I did in the bedroom completely blew her mind… She was so incredibly turned on by being just taken without any warning and without being asked. She could not stop talking about how turned on she was by the experience. She had craved to be dominated for years but most men are either too intimidated by her as an Alpha Female, too meek or too gentlemanly/polite to make such a bold move in private.

With experience and maturity, you can see both the forest and the trees in life and everything becomes much clearer. Alpha subs want a classy gentleman in public who makes them feels beautiful, sexy and cherished but they also want a strong, confident, decisive, highly sexually Dominant Alpha Male who will devour them as feminine sexual beings in private…

Weak Doms & Vanilla Males:
I suspect that you have notice that many vanilla males want you to dominate them sexually and many Doms tell you that you are not really submissive because of your strong, confident energy that won’t be intimidated by mere macho puffery. Neither of these groups of men recognize you as a contradiction of two different women in one. They are also insufficiently strong and confident for you. You need an Alpha male who is stronger than you that you are willing to follow and submit to his lead.

Please comment or “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, please subscribe to email alerts or twitter.


187 comments on “Alpha Female & Submissive Vixen: Two Sides of One Coin…

  1. Dead. On.

    I think the only issue is that it should be entirely normal and natural for women to contain and express these two sides! There is only confusion surrounding this “contradiction” (which isn’t really) because we are conditioned to see people as only one surface, when in fact, most have many facets. Personally, I think women will openly express this more and more, bringing themselves back around to a place/role in society that is on equal par, if not of greater power, than men. No longer perceived as the weaker sex just because we enjoy being dominated…..submission to the correct man is a thing of beauty and strength.

    Liked by 1 person

      • I read this just today when I had an acquaintance describe me as such, I had not heard the term before and good old Google found your clear and concise description.
        Now anyone I show this to agrees that you could have been describing me to a tee, the description, even the profession, not to mention the fact that most men DO find me intimidating.
        Even within the BDSM dynamic I find it difficult for those within to actually understand my submissive side when combined with my rebellion to conform to the standard expectations of a submissive woman. I have struggled for the majority of my adult life to understand how I could identify with both sides of the coin and could not completely put my finger on it.
        I am not attracted to submissive men, I’m almost bored by their complacency. i have always felt that if I socialise and have a gentleman wine and dine me, and then at the end of an evening ask If he can kiss me it is like a limp dick, if you have to ask, the answer is NO. If you do not know that answer is always NO.
        Such a beautiful evening of flirtatious behaviour spoilt by one simple statement, I get so disappointed.
        I know who I am is not understood by the vast majority as they feel they understand the dynamic.
        In the past when my Ex and I would attend Dinner Parties whereas the evening progressed, there would be the inebriated comment made by an associate colleague of ‘I know who wears the Pants in your family’- as he raises his glass as in a toast. Our eyes would lock and my husband would smile and wink at me raising his glass in return with no comment required.
        They had no clue.
        Thank you for your in depth and factually accurate narrative that I have found vindication at last!
        Now, please direct me to the compatible Alpha Male I now crave 

        Liked by 1 person

        • I have recommended to other alpha submissives to simply email a link to my article to prospective male partners to educate them and to quickly determine if they have the balls to handle an alpha submissive female. It quickly eliminates most men which saves lots Friday and Saturday nights… lol

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you! I am new to this and kept thinking maybe I was switch yet I know I am attracted to Alpha males. After reading I know I am definitely Alpha sub. It’s great to understand whats going on


  3. Thank you so much for writing this article. It has really helped me to understand myself. I have never been able to identify myself with the stereotype sub, but has known for a long time that what I am looking for is a strong man that I can give myself to, someone who can calm my brain, someone who is able to bring out the feminine sensual side of me.
    Someone who can be a deep tranquil pool in which I can bathe myself. No worries, no bad thoughts, no negative feelings… Just a divinely blissful, liberating state. It is not even about the sex, more the mind and to experience such an incredible connection with someone. Unfortunately, as you write, finding such a man is no simple task.

    /Your devoted fan from Norway


  4. Excellent article! I’ve been exploring and learning for a few months, but couldn’t really put my finger on how to classify myself and/or what I’m looking for. This helped a lot!


  5. I’m so glad I found this article! I was trying to see classify myself and the only thing I could find was “littles”. (Don’t get me wrong, having a nurturing caregiver would be amazing but I don’t enjoy in doing childish behavior).

    Thank you for posting this!


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  7. So beautifully well put. I have found many times that when people learn that enjoy submission in sexual practices whilst under the eyes of a Miss, people mistake me as being a meek woman in my every day life whose easy to be pushed around.


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  9. You are either submissive or you are not. Wanting rough sex in the bedroom is all about the sex, it has nothing to do with a personality trait. The man doesn’t have to be dominant any where but the bedroom. It is similar to being a switch, it’s all about sexual play, nothing more, like playing house when you were young.


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  12. A new world opened up by a Dom that now refuses to talk to me broke a part of me. Despite his instance that it was him and not me, he had left me with many questions as to what I did wrong. Now I know that it really was him that couldn’t handle the Alpha in me. Thank you. You just answered many of those questions. I am going to embrace who I am because its who I am, and hope that maybe some day I will find a ‘YOU’ out there for me.


  13. wow I am new to all this and completely struggling to figure out where exactly I fit in. but thus describes me perfectly. I can’t tell tell you how many times that I have said I feel like guys are either too intimidated to come up to be or too insecure to stay with me. wow.. Im so glad I found this. so glad to know I’m not some weird contradiction that they’re are guys out there that can give me what I’ve been looking for.


  14. I am new to this lifestyle so I don’t know very many terms or meanings. So while trying to figure out what category I would fit in a friend and I were just taking about this and I was saying that I needed an Alpha that could out Alpah my Alpha! I think I like your terminology a lot better! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and expertise.


  15. Maybe 18 years ago, I found BDSM. I knew from the start that Dominates drew me. I wasn’t my full self then and was shy with low self esteem. How I’ve been treated and viewed because of my weight had a huge impact on my life. I knew, inside, I was a contradiction. Needless to say, I let the lifestyle, got married and have been depressed for years… Stuck in a relationship with a beta. Now, I’m healing and I see all of this for what it is. Finding this post has finally confirmed so much. Thank you for writing this.


  16. Many years too late but thank you. I can remember being at a man’s feet, on my knees, and realizing that I needed something so bad and not knowing what it was and that neither he nor anyone else that I had met could help me. Something like that is very hurtful, especially for a person who was sexually aware very young.


  17. It has taken over 20 years to finally have a name for what I am. I have been told I am intimidating, beautiful, smart, kind, etc. I have qualities that men look for in an ideal partner but I rarely seem to attract men. Those who are attracted to me are the ones you described as being weak or meek. I am attracted to men who are Alpha males, but they don’t seem to be interested in me. It has been very frustrating. Unfortunately, I was married twice. My first husband was sexually aggressive, not sensual, and mean spirited in real life. My second husband was a sub. I thought with love and communication, a couple could overcome these obstacles, but I was wrong.
    I was married to him for 11 years and sex was horrible.

    I am a very intelligent RN with a tough exterior at work while still being very kind. I thought these were attractive qualities. I even tried to downplay some of my personality. I feel attraction from Alpha males but they don’t seem to be interested in me. Everything is straightforward business. I haven’t figured out out how to find the right man. Reading this article, along with others written by you, have given me hope that I can find a man who meets my desires in an out of the bedroom.

    I have been dating a man who I initially thought was a sub, or gay, and I have been truly surprised to find he is much, much, different behind closed doors. Questions about his behaviors led me to your blog. Your posts have been enlightening and exciting. I’ll have to show him this article and see how he responds. If it doesn’t work out, I now know what key words to use to weed out the undesirables. Thank you!


      • Dear DS,
        I have a question. It seems a lot of us, as you’ve said, attract weaker men. We also tend to be overlooked or dismissed by Alpha males. Why is this? I’ve been ignored most of my life. I did have someone tell me that I was too confident. That my confidence made him think I was married. Could this be some insight into why?

        Thank you!
        Lady Vermilion


        • There is no one answer for this. I have a few theories.

          I think most men generally are quite lazy about relationship. Submissive women are much easier to deal with and much less complex.

          Alpha subs are intelligent, strong, educated and successful. Some men find that combination can be very intimidating. Other men need to be star of the show and need all the attention and accolades.

          For me, I crave the challenge and complexity of an alpha sub. I crave my equal in every way. I want a complex, intelligent woman that constantly surprises me and keeps my engaged for life. I want a rubik’s cube I can never solve or get bored of…



    • I’m currently starting my 11th year with a submissive male that I love as my best friend but feel nothing sexual with. I took this advice as well. It worked.. but I have a feeling I’ll never even meet the guy. Who knows.. I’m still in my marriage but everyday that passes seems to tell me more and more that it won’t work. Sad part of all this.. which you’ll understand being a nurse. I started a medication last year, and it woke up the sexual part of me that has been dormant for 6 years. However, it also “fixed” my other issues of feeling detached. So now I’m in my body and all I want to do is feel.
      I hope you find the person that makes you happy! Thank you for sharing!


  18. I found that this post really resonated with me, and I know having to scroll all the way down past 100+ comments, that I’m not alone. I’ve found this, it seems, some years later, but it still rings true. I wonder perhaps if you’d be willing to give some tips on my own blog, it’s something similar that I’d like to do, except, I’d like a more personal effect, on how as an Alpha Sub, having a Dominant only made me stronger. Even if you don’t get the time to reply, this was a terrific read. Thank you for the post!


  19. Alpha Females are by nature an incredible package of qualities and abilities: Self-confidence, Intelligence, Success, Wealth, and Style. Most men cannot handle being with a woman like that. They either feel inadequate as men or they feel uncomfortable never being the center of attention. It takes real confidence as a man to be with an Alpha Female.
    Thank you for this post, it really resonates with me. I used to shy away from the title Alpha Female, but what you write is how I see myself – I get attention, and I get admiration from both sexes, which is why I need equal or higher attitude in terms of domination. You are right about most men feeling intimidated by that.
    Always made the error of falling for domineering rather than dominant.
    You need an Alpha male who is stronger than you that you are willing to follow and submit to his lead.
    yes, oh yes.. !
    Thank you


  20. I searched Alpha Submissive. This was the first article that came up. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I make sense to myself now. It’s all clear, so clear. Thank you, thank you!


  21. Thank you for this well written post. I wish I had read it earlier, as I just recently was able to fully identify and describe who I am.

    As you mention it can be difficult to find the kind of true Alpha Dom that women like me crave. I too have mistaken domineering men and non-Dom alpha men for being what I wanted. Do you have any thoughts or tips on how an alpha submissive should go about discriminating between these types of men as she meets them?



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  24. DominantSoul: I’ve been searching for months to figure myself out, and reading this article was a definite Ah-Ha! moment. It’s like looking in a mirror!

    This gives clarity to so many unanswered questions. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


  25. Fucking loved this – thank you so much. I have spent a few hours today reading many of your blog posts. You give me hope. And the courage to continue being myself when so many others have needed me to be someone who fits their idea of submissive / masochist. It’s been such a long long road to get to a place where I now know there is nothing AND that was okay to stop choosing partners / doms who weren’t able to hold all of who I am. Maybe that will never happen for me – I’m pretty fierce. I do know that my days of bullshit submission are over. And having found your blog just today, has certainly empowered to me to continue listening to what it is that I need in a partner. There’s so much pressure to submit to bullshit – to dishonour oneself over being humiliated for “topping from the bottom” and all those other cruel cruel things that people believe they are entitled to put on others whom they fail to realise.

    You give me hope DS.


  26. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
    Omg finally figured out why I am the way I am. Im in a very happy loving relationship. And I noticed Im not always fully satisfied in the bedroom. While other times something comes over me to the point of tears. Now I know its the relief of being able to let go and submit. My partner is not always dominant. And when he lacks dominance in daily life it also turns me off. Wow… my mind is blown.

    (I know this article is old but wtv…)
    Ive wondered for so many years why certain sexual partners in the past just did it for me. While others did not. Why the ones who showed the least emotion were like a drug to me. Wow… :O Ive been Alpha type of female all my life…
    I cant wait to explain this to my partner 😂😂 LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I merely echo the sentiments before me. Thank you for writing this. I would add it isn’t just a matter of sending it forward to someone to see if they can handle it but also getting the BDSM community to accept it, I shall not even bother with the vanilla.
    At any rate, thank you again. Be well.


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  30. Clearly these women are not your whores you knob…. i am a rebellious submissive and the only reason some not all agree is your idea of being a DOm in some cases is not documented as being correct…. would you say that a slave, submissive slave slut.. is your type or is it the assertive female empowered submissive that questions life and you…. be your type?

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Or perhaps you applaud those that are dishonest and love the idea of being your slut as well as her own life?? wtf so your a poly or are you just greedy ego type that uses the black white and lets put it right….when a man justifies his own acttions by have many is a man that is full of his ego and needs to grow up…btw i have been in this lifestyle for over 21 years…..would you like to challenge your knowledge with my experience?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow… You really cannot read can you? I am not poly or do Ipromote anything like that. I believe in commitment and trust.

      Clearly you are just angry woman online without the intellect to comprehend my blog. Thanks for entertaining me with poor grammar and spelling mistake. You are clearly a brilliant intellect.


  32. The other problem is actually finding a dom. Not gonna lie your blog makes it sound easy but over here is still very much vanilla for most guys and to find a guy patient enough to bring you into a dom/sub relationship is like the viewing of a unicorn (non-existent). Don’t suppose you fancy a move to the UK? 🙂


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  34. I am new to this lifestyle and have been struggling to find where I fit in. I stumbled across your blog after looking up Alpha sub. Im so grateful that you explained this as well as you did because now I have a deeper understanding of what you perfectly describe as Me. Now I feel that I can navigate this journey with less confusion and much more excitement.


    • I am so glad for you. Feel free to use a link to my article in any dating profile to help filter out most of the unsuitable men… and quickly identify the men you are compatible with…


  35. Excellent article. (Thanks for the imagery too 💋)
    One point I’d differ on: not all independent submissives have high powered careers. Some of us were thrown into the responsibility of being sole caretaker for others. We are strong, capable, opinionated, independent, intelligent woman. And lacking that warm comfort of another taking control.
    Just my 2c


  36. Your articles on Alpha submissives and all the comments make sense to me like nothing has before. I’ve long been fascinated by submitting/being dominated, but have yet to find the man fully comfortable with owning that space. They tend to resort to tame ideas of tying up and pain that they are not really comfortable with and it is reduced to a mere (and unsuccessful, unsatisfying, role play). For me it is not about pain or extreme humiliation, it is about surrendering control. I have been on a journey to understand myself – and to understand why people in general, and yes, men, find me intimidating, when I don’t see in myself the confidence and power that they seem to see in me. I have known for a long time that I’m an Alpha woman or Type A personality, even if I don’t always feel or believe it, and I am not sure yet whether I am an Alpha submissive, but I do have a deep desire to give up control, to not be in charge, when it comes to my sexual self. As a single mother and self-employed (choices I made at around the same time to leave a weak and unfaithful husband; and to leave a job where a male boss was threatened by me and so did everything he could to get rid of me), for the past 6 years I have been even more in charge and in control than I was before. In my private and sexual personae, I yearn to surrender control, to give up being in charge, with a man who is strong enough to make me and let me feel small and fragile, to see the side of me that is hidden in my public persona, a man able to be vulnerable (a big difference from weak), and to value and encourage my vulnerability while also valuing and encouraging my strength. A weak man cannot do that. I am not sure that I am a true submissive, but your writing has highlighted how to spot the wrong type of man – the ones who are weak and will seek to control through criticism, sneering, judging. Now, to find the right kind of man strong enough to handle my ever-curious sexual and personal being! Thank you for providing some pointers.


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