Alpha Female & Submissive Vixen: Two Sides of One Coin…

Are You An Alpha Submissive?

In my experience, Alpha Females and submissive vixens are often two sides of the same strong woman: one public side, one private side. I have discovered that many women who are Alpha Females professionally by day (Executives, Doctors, Lawyers, Entrepreneurs, Supermoms) often crave the escape to be submissive vixens in the bedroom with no control and decision making.

Such a Good Girl...

Such a Good Girl…

To be clear, I am NOT saying that ALL Alpha Females are also submissives. I am saying there seems to be a specific psychological profile which makes Alpha Female/submissive a common archetype among women. I refer to these women as “Feminist Contradictions”- Successful, strong, independent women publicly who crave to be highly feminine & highly sexually submissive privately. I describe them as “Feminist Contradictions” because most men view them as a confusing persona/sexual contradiction that they cannot comprehend or decipher. In reality, they are Alpha Females/Submissive or Alpha submissives – a submissive female to only one Alpha male while being dominant over all others.

Many women are submissive by choice or by natural yearning. Alpha submissives crave to relinquish control to a strong, confident Dom by nature as part of their need for mental & sexual escape from their everyday in-control persona. Not being in control is a relief from constant decision making / being in charge during their busy, stressful daily lives. I believe most people don’t understand that submission is partially an act of escapism from their own public personas.

Alpha Females are by nature an incredible package of qualities and abilities: Self-confidence, Intelligence, Success, Wealth, and Style. Most men cannot handle being with a woman like that. They either feel inadequate as men or they feel uncomfortable never being the center of attention. It takes real confidence as a man to be with an Alpha Female.

It is also why these Alpha submissives can only be attracted to strong, powerful, confident Alpha Male. Weak, meek men do not attract them. Often submissive men misinterpret the public Alpha Female persona as these Alpha submissive females’ sexual persona. Men misread these women thus wanting these Alpha subs to dominate them sexually in private – complete incompatibility. A strong decisive, confident man truly arouses their feminine senses. An Alpha submissive can only submit to a man she feels is even more confident and Dominant than her public persona – respect and trust are key requirements.

Unfortunately, Alpha submissives often cannot discern between Dominant men and Domineering men in their relationships.

What confuses most men is there is a contradiction in behavior that these women want from their male partners: Gentleman in public, Caveman in the bedroom. Men are quite simple creatures really. Most men think if women want a polite, considerate gentleman in public, they must want a polite, considerate gentleman in the bedroom too. Secondly, society & feminism has robbed many men of their natural baser instincts. Being a good husband/father by society’s standards has feminized many men into minivan driving, cargo shorts wearing drones of suburbia. So for a Alpha submissive to find a man who is very self-confident and encouraging/supporting of her career while being sexually Dominant in the bedroom is no simple task.

One of the most consistent ways I have found to identify Alpha submissive females in public or on a date is they often say , “I intimidate most men I meet”. To confirm my initial suspicions, I often make a bold flirtatious statement during our conversation and then gauge her reaction to a statement such as. “Yes, but even good girls need a good spanking on occasion”. Her inner vixen will naturally reveal itself. By being bold and seizing what you desire sexually in private from this kind of Alpha Female, it is a sure-fire recipe of turning her into her naughty submissive vixen alter ego. It instantly turns on every single Alpha sub I have ever been with.

For example: Two years ago I dated a sexy, petite, highly successful female divorce lawyer who told me during our first meeting for cocktails, she intimidates most men she meets (my big hint about who she really was). I openly laughed at the idea which annoyed her a little. I smiled and said, ‘You are 5’ 1″ and 110 lbs. soaking wet, what’s so scary about you?”. We had intense sexual chemistry every time we met for dinner. Her incredibly sensual & passionate sensual kisses left few doubts in my mind about her true emotions for me but we had agreed to try to go slow to get to know each other first before being intimate with each other – No sex until after 5 dates was the plan.

On our fourth date we had gone out to a lovely Christmas party with her friends and afterwards we went back to her house. While we kissed passionately in the foyer, I slowly slid my left hand onto her throat. I kissed my way up her neck then whispered in her ear what I planned to do to her body. I felt her entire body go limp in my arms. I told her I knew instantly who she really was sexually then her eyes grew really wide. She immediately took my hand and led me to her bedroom. I slowly unzipped her dress and lovingly kissed and slowly caressed her exposed body which gave her goose bumps everywhere. She looked absolutely stunning in just her black push-up bra and sheer black panties.

She pretended to play shy or coy when I tried to remove her bra… So I gently placed my left hand softly on her throat again, turned her face down on the bed and ripped down her panties to expose her ass. I then command her to count out loud to 10 as I spanked her ass harshly with each number she spoke. When I was finished spanking her, I said in a deep, slow commanding voice, “Who is my dirty little slut?” She said sheepishly, “I am”. “Do you give your body, mind and soul to me to do as I desire?”… “I do”… After that, it was all systems go for a wild night of passion together…

What I did in the bedroom completely blew her mind… She was so incredibly turned on by being just taken without any warning and without being asked. She could not stop talking about how turned on she was by the experience. She had craved to be dominated for years but most men are either too intimidated by her as an Alpha Female, too meek or too gentlemanly/polite to make such a bold move in private.

With experience and maturity, you can see both the forest and the trees in life and everything becomes much clearer. Alpha subs want a classy gentleman in public who makes them feel beautiful, sexy and cherished but they also want a strong, confident, decisive, highly sexually Dominant Alpha Male who will devour them as feminine sexual beings in private…

Weak Doms & Vanilla Males:
I suspect that you have notice that many vanilla males want you to dominate them sexually and many Doms tell you that you are not really submissive because of your strong, confident energy that won’t be intimidated by mere macho puffery. Neither of these groups of men recognize you as a contradiction of two different women in one. They are also insufficiently strong and confident for you. You need an Alpha male who is stronger than you that you are willing to follow and submit to his lead.

Please comment or “Like” or “Share” this article… If this article raises questions in your mind, please post a comment. I look forward to discussing these ideas with like-minded people. If you want to stay informed of future writings, please subscribe to email alerts or twitter.


280 comments on “Alpha Female & Submissive Vixen: Two Sides of One Coin…

  1. Pingback: What’s in a Name? (How D/s Labels Can Help Us Find Ourselves) – Brigit Writes

  2. Hello.
    I just wanted to thanks you for this articles. I dont even know how i end up here but thanks. It s been years i try to find out how to explain things. Trying to inform mylself on domination and always and trying to talk about it even do some stupid test that couldnt get it lol and feeling i dont know out. And you just put words on it for me and give me some explication. So. Yup thanks. You helped a lot with those words. And just confirme what i felt.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, you described me to a T. I didn’t fit into any of the labels I’ve heard about until I read this article. I definitely fall into the Alpha Submissive. I could read your writings all night long. Do you have more written elsewhere I could read?


  4. Now that I realised that what I need from a man, how do I spot a man with same kind of preferences for women than you have?

    Also, I seem to annoy quite many men at first by being too straightforward and not being impressed by their usual moves with the ladies (trying to wine and dine, telling about their accomplishments, who they know and where they’ve been etc. (very boring to me usually, although I never show that out)). I’m only impressed by someone who’s highly intelligent and accomplished but doesn’t make a number out of it and is good to other people (and has very good emotional skills in general). I, for example, very rarely let anyone to pay for my dinner, because I don’t want to feel that I owe anything to anyone (and I don’t like taking advantage on other people).

    So, have you ever met women who were at first a little annoying, not flirty and maybe even a bit arrogant in your eyes, but turned out to be really hot (submissive) in bed once you gained their trust? Because most of the men that I know, wouldn’t find attractive what I just described (unless they were subs themselves). Are there any signs that could reveal a man that would have enough patience, skills, confidence and interest to dig a little deeper in order to figure out what’s really in there for them? (And who could actually also take the lead then.).

    Since I have a need to surrender myself to someone quite completely in bed, that person must be worthy of my trust and I put a lot more emphasis and weight on the character of that person than I would probably do, if I wouldn’t have to consider if that person can handle the power over me that I’ll grant him momentarily. I’ll need to feel safe and appreciated for what I am and what I can give. And not everyone deserves that.


    • Absolutely!!! I have many many women who put on a show that they aren’t easily impressed and are arrogant who turn out to be complete submissives in bed. Women in positions of power or in professions where they constant make decisions (Doctors, lawyers, Prinicipals, CEO/Executives, Business Owners/Entrepreneurs) wear armour and project an image of arrogance, strength and independence. They are constantly in control in their lives and that tells me they likely don’t want to be in control in bed. It’s a power dynamic. They have a wall up.

      Men who try to impress women of this kind with accomplishments, power or wealth exude insecurities. Bragging of accomplishments is a sure sign of insecurities. Controlling and domineering behaviour indicates he is high insecure. Avoid this kind of man at all costs.

      You will be looking for a man who extremely confidence who exudes a quiet calm and who is not looking to impress you. He is smart and successful but doesn’t need to impress you. He likely sees you as an equal in terms of intelligence and success. That quiet confidence is your indication that he is an alpha male.

      Liked by 5 people

  5. I love this post. You have definitely described me. I’m going to link to it on my blog – you should get a pingback on that, right? If not, you can find me at Thanks so much!!


  6. Great piece! 😉 I’ve gone through my share of domineering men. I end up losing interest and becoming dominant in my relationship. It’s terrible!! When I met my husband, I knew from the start that he is different than any other man I’ve been with before. He is my Master and loving Daddy. 😉 ♥

    Thank you for eloquently describing the difference between dominant and domineering. I’ve tried to tell other women why I chose Him. The best I could do was to say He is unlike any man I’ve met before. I followed the path because it frightened me to do so just a little. I had to “truly” submit. 😉 He proves worthy every day.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This article explains so much about me! I have never understood these contradictions in myself: how I can want a loving, attentive partner in life but someone who bosses me around and takes control in the bedroom. How I don’t want a cocky alpha for a partner or a chivalrous gentleman in the bedroom. I never could explain it, to myself or to partners. But this whole Alpha female/Alpha male thing makes so much sense!
    It also helps me see why I have never had an interest in weak men, no matter how nice. I can’t tolerate that attitude in a lover. But I can tolerate a lot in a man if he is confident in life and strong in the bedroom.
    Most of all, this article and all your others have revealed to me that what I always felt I wanted—psychological domination combined with sex, not just physical domination and pain—is actually A THING! With all the dom/sub porn out there, almost all you see is the later: pain control. I want someone to dominate my mind. I want to be bossed, not hurt. I didn’t even know sensual domination existed!! So thank you, thank you for these many teaching articles. I’m devouring them. I can’t wait to put it all to into practice!!

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Written so long ago but exactly what I needed to hear. Many of my searches lead to answers in your blog posts. Thank you DominantSoul!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow. I finally understand a lot about why I cannot find someone who can handle me, Thank you DS for validating my suspicions and for confirming what my gut has been telling me for the last 5 years. I love your writings, now off to find that special man.


  10. This, I am so much this! I always dating very strong dominant men, but when I was younger, I didnt know myself as well and did some bad picking. Frustration made me settle and marry a beta man who thought I was an alpha. Let’s just say that didnt work out. It was a miserable and hard learning experience. I’m so much happier with my strong dominant man now. Experience and knowing who you are is really the key to a happy life. Thanks for writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I wanted to come back to this post in particular and say thank you. I found your blog about a year ago and it helped give me words for what felt like a complete contradiction. I busted my ass through my education. I’m the most educated woman in my graduating class. I hold a position of power in a male dominated field. I knew that’s exactly what I didn’t want when I came home at the end of the day but couldn’t reconcile these two contrasting sides of myself. Going through this site made everything make sense and that has been so liberating for me. Thank you for the resources you’ve provided here. They’ve made a huge difference in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. So heres my issue and please hear me out and give ur input. I knew this man for YEARS right? And we had memorable and very good sexual encounters. He was gentel with me with a lil bit of roughness here and there, he moved to another state and its been 5 years since I’ve seen him but we’ve always kept in contact over the years.. Recently i found out that hes into bdsm, major dom and his kink is alpha wolf impregnation if that makes sense.. He likes the idea of getting women pregnant not actually getting them pregnant but this feral side of him is extremely new to me and im very intrigued.. Ive always told myself that i was his, so to say “alpha female” cuz hes into the furries lifestyle but since hes been away he found a new subordinate and the things he tells me he does to her… What ive heard from her personally… It does something to my body and i dont know what to feel. Im turned on, but frustrated im not therr to satisfy HIS needs, i feel a little jealous but happy she’s fufilling her, but i also feel she’s a threat to my position. As of right now as im writing this message, hes fucking the dog shit out of her and this overwhelming lust is getting to much. I am however going to visit him in a few months and i been preparing myself to explore this side of him as i have never been with him this way.. BUT…. She’s going to be present on a few occasions but i want to let her know that IM his alpha and she needs to be taught a lesson if she dares takes my place.. So my questions are, how do i go about about showing my alpha dominance to her? How do i get control of this situation? How can i get this alpha man to lust for me more than her? Im very kinky and ill do what ever it takes to make them both understand my position.


    • Being dominant is about calm control and confidence. Being domineering is about insecurity and control.

      Tell her and show her what to do to please him. Show her that you are his #1 sub even when he is fucking her.


        • To have a reply without ego nor without intent from a masculine man well, then my dear Mr D, then you truly are a Gentleman that understand what controlling the ego and being a a decent man. Indeed it was lovely to see not enough of it in my book. Have a great day Mr D.


        • As a Dominant male, I despise men with ego and puffery. I observe other men constantly. Those who require contstant attention and validation from others make me laugh. They wreak of insecurities.

          By saying very little and not paying attention to other men, I gain power over other men instantly. There is great power in being confident but humble.

          I truly appreciate your kind words. I am very glad you find the insights in my writings as helpful in your sexual journey of discovery…

          Liked by 2 people

  13. I’ve been silently enjoying your blog for I think now a year or more! I remember reading this awhile back and it resonating so very much with me. But I also came away with a *sigh* because….when, oh when will I find such a man.


  14. Hi – I sort of stubble upon you and now I am a little obsessed. Thank you for writing all of this down.. I was starting to feel like I was looking for something that didn’t exist until I found your blog. My whole body started reacting as I have read each entry.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. HUMM I have a question for you after reading the said article, what does a soul look like stripped of flesh and bone? I see you have put a lot of thought and footwork into your findings, which makes for interesting reading if nothing else. Why do I say this? Just a random profile in second life I happened to look through. however, all opinions are welcome in the D/S relationship or thereabouts. Thank you for your post Harmony


  16. “I intimidate most men I meet.” – I’ve said those EXACT words for YEARS because it’s true. You are scary observant! And FYI, I’m a career ER nurse, so yeah…very alpha in my field & I back down from nothing at 5’1 & 125lbs. And it wasn’t until my second husband’s remark (along with the direct, focused look he gave me) to an offhand comment I made that keyed me in that he might just be the one: I casually said one day, “You know, I’m the type of person who likes to be in control of everything.” when he stopped what he was doing & looked dead in my eyes & said in a low, slow voice, “I hope we’re not going to have a problem.” In an instant, I found myself lowering my gaze & murmuring, “I hope not either.” Even at only 5’1, I’ve always felt like I towered over everyone, mainly because I know I can intellectually, mentally & verbally stomp most people out. But at that moment, I was acutely aware of just how large & masculine he was standing before me & how small & feminine I was. It was foreign to me & I got this tingly feeling all over my body. After only a couple of heartbeats, he gently took my chin & tilted my face until I was looking at him again & smiled ever so slightly before kissing me & saying, “No, I don’t believe we will.” We’ve been together over 20 years now & he’s the best Dom/Daddy/Master I could’ve ever asked for. And I’m still a bad ass bitch in my professional life. And he’s proud of me in all aspects of my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s an awesome story… “I hope we aren’t going to have a problem”… 🤣🤣🤣 You found the first male that you couldn’t dominate and that instantly turned your head, your bold facade crumbled and you folded your cards. That’s hilarious because you instantly transformed into a submissive just for him.

      To evoke a similar unfiltered response from a date over dinner, I have said, “In my experience, even strong women like a good spanking on occasion”. The honesty of the unfiltered response is so beautiful. You instantly see how she feels about being dominated. A woman cannot behind her facade.

      Thanks for sharing your beautiful story Aquarian RN


      I describe it as I crave my warrior queen. She stride into battle with the world with me everyday but at home, she takes off her armour to show me a side no one else ever gets to see…

      Liked by 4 people

  17. Describes me perfectly. Most people seem to think I am intimidating. I have had a few that I know have wanted to ask me out for years but never worked up the courage to. I’m glad they haven’t because I would turn them down as I know they would not be the the type of guy I am looking for. Most of my relationships have been with either domineering guys, which have been very bad rollercoaster relationships, or regular vanilla guys that I get bored with after a few dates.


  18. That’s a pretty bold move considering that she said she wanted to wait for 5 dates and, unless I missed something, even though she led you to the bedroom, gave no indication, verbally, that she wanted to be dominated, much less have her panties ripped down and spanked like that. I mean it definitely worked out in your, had her, favor, but I think it’s needs to be pointed out that not all “alpha submissive” women submit so easily or willingly the first time. As an Alpha female one of the qualities I look for in an Alpha male is respect for boundaries and prior consent through open dialogue. Considering your background and experience I would expect you to be aware of these things. That being said, I would like to think there’s more to the story that you did not share for sake of effect. You are an excellent writer and you share quality and highly educational content, but as a member of the BDSM community I would caution you against providing information that could inadvertently lead some astray.
    Thank you for all you do and the information you provide.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rose,

      You did miss something or I omitted something in my story. She wanted sex after 2 dates. I wanted sex after 5 dates…

      Secondly, when I touched her throat, she let out a very sexual sound that told me she was highly aroused by my Domination. When I told her I knew exactly who she was as a sexual woman, she instantly submitted to me physically.

      Lastly she led me to the bedroom. Domination is about seducing the mind of a female so she eagerly wants give herself to a Dominant. I think her leading me to the bedroom is a clear indication of consent.

      The specific scenario in my article was for illustrative purposes only. I have to assume a certain level intelligence in my readers. Stupid people will do stupid things. That’s not preventable and not the purpose of my writings. Failure is an important part of learning. Stupid people will fail more and their learning curve is much longer. That’s reality…

      The devil is always in the details… All the best…


      Liked by 3 people

  19. Hello, I do not have time to read the previous comments so apologies if this is repetitive. Nonetheless, I want to thank you for this contribution. After reading this, it seems so obvious now, but WHY did it take me years to realize what/who I am sexually etc. Thank you so much, I literally came to tears reading from years of frustration and self-doubt. I appreciate the validation and now know that my gut about myself was correct. Again, thank you.


  20. That is quite true. I usually tell guys in the community I have a strong competence kink, that I am difficult and braty. And yes, you do intimidate most men, and piss off piss poor doms.
    But, I much rather avoid any kinky play, than submit to a guy that can’t compete with me in intelligence, humour and empathy.
    If I can manipulate you, you are certainly lacking to dominate me.
    I think women of the type who have been around for some time, either find a mate, or start feeling exhausted with their own contradictory nature, the growing frustration makes you try to adapt and be “normal”, which often looks like relationships with guys that don’t make you feel happy, but at least are acceptable in public.
    Either way, it’s a very difficult nature to live with.


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